Thursday, May 4

Rescue Mission

Lane-Burning-copy


Imagine for a second, as far-reaching and hard-to-imagine as this might be, that the Cubs organization were some kind of burning vessel at sea, struggling to remain afloat due to significant structural damage to its antiquated wooden core. A sinking ship, if you will.


Imagine further that the players and front office staff were members of the crew, each with their own skills and talents, some perhaps more useful than others. Continue imagining, say, that the liferafts contained on this ship were substantially smaller than perhaps they should be, and that their relative buoyancy would be compromised if it carried too many people. This dilemma means that less crew members can be saved, and some element of choice needs to be made when deciding who lives and who dies.


Everyone still following?


So, at this ridiculously early junction in the season [a month], perhaps so much so that this sort of thing shouldn't be done until much later [say, another month's time], who would you choose to save, and whose useless bodies would you leave to char on the swab deck?


TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN
- Jim Hendry
- Dusty Baker


BATTING MEN
- Todd Walker
- Ronny Cedeno
- Juan Pierre
- Jerry Hairston Jr
- Jacque Jones
- Aramis Ramirez
- Michael Barrett
- Matt Murton
- Neifi Perez
- John Mabry
- Freddie Bynum
- Henry Blanco
- Michael Restovich


PITCHING PEOPLE
- Greg Maddux
- Glendon Rusch
- Rich Hill
- Sean Marshall
- Angel Guzman
- Carlos Zambrano
- Ryan Dempster
- Scott Eyre
- Bob Howry
- Scott Williamson
- Will Ohman
- Roberto Novoa


INJURED INJUNS
- Angel Pagan
- Derrek Lee
- Mark Prior
- Kerry Wood
- Wade Miller


Give me your Top 5 people who should be left on the smouldering starboard side.

10 Comments:

At 1:34 PM, Anonymous Lazlo said...

Jacque Jones, Freddy Bynum, Michael Restovich (there goes our RF, but oh well) as far as position players. Those are the definites.

Then, maybe Rusch and Ohman. I'm not really sure. I still think these guys might contribute. I'm not as disgusted with them as I am with the others.

We can throw out Dick Pole while we are at it too. What does a bench coach do anyway? "Good job, Freddy. No, no. We didn't really want you to get a hit anyway. We just wanted to remind people that you are really fast by ALMOST beating out a groundball to the second baseman."

 
At 1:35 PM, Anonymous Lazlo said...

Who do you think is taking the bus back to Iowa when Pagan is ready to go, Bynum or Restovich?

 
At 1:45 PM, Blogger JT said...

Dammit Lazlo, taking the easy 5 out of the bunch.

I'd can the following 5 without hesitation:
Jacque Jones
Will Ohman
Glendon Rusch
Kerry Wood
and
Mark Prior

The last 2 have outstayed their welcome, in my opinion, and are running out of time to live up to expectation. Ohman's harmless, but someone has to make up the numbers. As for Jones and Rusch, they've been in the majors long enough to know better. Just because you've played in the show for a few years doesn't mean you can play like shit and keep stealing roster spots from more deserving youth.

I think Restovich is heading back to AAA, just because Bynum could always be a PR, whereas Restovich is just shit in a pair of running shoes.

 
At 2:31 PM, Blogger Shebatooth said...

I'd leave Ol' Dustbag Baker sitting on the ship. While he's sitting there he can figure out who to double-switch from the following players, also left on the deck: Jones, Perez, Bynum, and Mabry. I'd save all of the pitchers, even though Ohman and Novoa don't quite deserve it, because the other "batting men" just aren't doing their jobs at all. They're all wastes of good Cubs uniforms, if you ask me.

 
At 2:48 PM, Blogger JT said...

Ha! I forgot about the double-switch!

It is pretty hard to be tough on the pitching peeps because that bullpen is often sauntering onto the mound in the 5th inning or thereabouts, although when you're down by a run or so, having a guy come in to pitch and blow it wide open to a 4 or 5 run deficit in just a few pitches makes it that much tougher to stage a "comeback" [not that comebacks are something we've been especially good at lately].

However, yes, the main fault lies in those damn bats! Not even the White Sox rotation could keep getting wins when only scoring 2 or 3 runs a game.

Fuck.

 
At 9:52 PM, Blogger DS said...

Shit, I only get 5? OK ...

Jones
Bynum
Blanco
Williamson
Wood (I've been saying this forever anyway...)

 
At 11:04 PM, Anonymous Lazlo said...

Anyone who says can Wood and Prior must be an idiot. Even if you don't want them on the team, and even if they are not healthy until July, you could trade either of them for a star position player immediately upon coming back from the DL. Get off the bandwagon guys. It's not being driven by bright people.

 
At 12:13 AM, Blogger JT said...

Lazlo --

I think you're confused. The Cubs aren't actually on a burning ship, and no-one will actually be left to burn.

What do you honestly think I mean when I say "can"? Do you think I would advocate cutting them without trying to trade them? Jesus.

Oh, and it's hard to think of situations in recent baseball where guys are oft injured and underperforming, and yet they still have the run of the fucking clubhouse, riding high from an All-Star appearance years ago. Fuck.

Yeah, and I don't think it's really a bandwagon to want rid of Prior and Wood. Surely the town is more populated by fanboys who love the ground they walk on, and just want to wish them back to full health and a stable full of Cy Youngs, no?

It's never going to fucking happen!

 
At 5:32 PM, Anonymous Lazlo said...

It's a blog bandwagon, in case you haven't noticed. I'm not in Chicago, so I can't say for sure what the fans in the city say, but it sure seems like the vast majority of bloggers think Wood and Prior should be gotten rid of no matter what. I agree that the injuries have been really dissapointing, and in Prior's case somewhat mistifying, but if you would still cut Wood and Prior from the team before you would cut, say, Freddy Bynum or Jerry Hairston, well, that's not real bright. Either of these two pitchers can contribute more in a third of a season than Freddy Bynum can in all his double switches and pinch hit appearances.

 
At 6:51 PM, Blogger JT said...

Lazlo -

1. Thanks for talking down to me. Much appreciated.

2. Call it "having a little more foresight" in wanting rid of Wood and Prior before those other fucks. If I had my way, a few more heads would be for the chopping block. Is it smart to cut an relatively unused, healthy, young player in favour of keeping two older, more injured players who contribute nothing? Sounds like a Dusty approach: let the vets rule!

3. Prior's injury is mystifying because there can't be one. Since when is shoulder soreness worth a substantial trip to the DL? I've talked more than enough shit on those two fuckers, and it's getting repetitive, but seriously, we could all do with shutting the fuck up [both for and against] until they fucking do something worth talking about. We can't bitch about their losses because they haven't pitched, and we can't be high-fiving them for wins because they've yet to taste a real game.

4. How long should we keep trying and pumping money into these guys until we let them go? I know I'd much rather dump their kind of salary before I go cutting the league-minimum guys. Maybe then we'd have the balls and the resources to chase more big free agents.

 

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