Tuesday, May 16

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

I just don't know where to turn lately, dudes. Our fans are turning their backs, which drives me crazy. We sell out all the time, so somebody's gotta be coming to these games. That's just common sense.

The young kid Pierce is having trouble at the top of the order. He's pretty new to the league, so he has that thing young people have, you know, impatience. When I was hitting behind the great Henry Aaron, I was nervous at the plate too! I'd swing at anything that came near me, and boy did that make him mad. Pierson needs to calm down, get control of that energy. He's gotta a lot to learn, dudes, but here's hoping he picks it up soon.

Neifi's trying real hard in practice, with all that experience he has, and boy, soon it's gonna be a dogfight for that leadoff spot. Neifi's been around for a long time, and played for so many teams. You can tell he wants it, and pretty soon if John Pearce doesn't get hot, I might have to give it to him on desire alone! Being a manager is tough!

When we don't win, it gets tough to step in front of them in the clubhouse with a smile on my face. The one thing I've learned in this league is to always be positive. When I fish, I keep my eyes open and my heart full of love for that lake, because you never know when you're gonna hook a prize-winning fish. And that's the truth - one time I was stuck in such a hitless streak, it was driving me crazy. But I got out on the field and found out that my swing was a lot like the way I cast my line. Those hits started coming, and I even caught a snapper!

I wish I knew what to do with our pitching. Our starting dudes never seem to make it past the 5th inning. When they walk batters, it's hard to win because you give out so many free passes. A free pass is like a quarter of a run, and pretty soon, that guy's gonna cross home plate without earning it! In baseball, everything you get has to be earned, and our young guys gotta learn that. I never got anything for free, because I worked hard every day. Juan Peter and Matt Marsden could learn a thing or two if they were here with me right now although that would be weird as I'm in bed. The only guy who gets to be in my bed is me! Well, sometimes the dog too.

Okay dudes, I gotta go. Our big game with the Expos is starting soon and I need to work on this lineup. Tonight I might try Jerry Harden at the top of the order, although Jock is swinging a smoking stick lately. Either way, I need to make sure I have it set before the ump yells at me for being slow. In the league, slow's gotta go!


Dusty Baker.


At 9:05 PM, Blogger DS said...

I know this is authentic because of the confusing fishing reference...good find JT

At 11:40 PM, Blogger Hyposquasher said...

JESUS. This is fucking gold. I love it. Keep the good stuff coming Jones. I love it.

Cubs just won... Dempster struck out the last two batters. At least he is still hot. Dempster for Cub of the week this week? We'll have to see. Jacque might even be in the running... Eeek!

At 1:06 AM, Blogger DS said...

Jacque's gonna have to have a smokin' rest of the week to make up for getting doubled up by an outfielder last night (not the first time this has happened this year).


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