Retort from a Public Library

I don't think it's funny that I neglect to mention good things about the Cubs, simply because we all know what to expect from this website. Yes, it's been oddly dormant of late [my woes have been insanely well-documented], and while the other members have gone A.W.O.L., it is a proven fact that I am LB's resident old man pessimist, the guy whose cup will always be half-empty, whose opinions will always be knee-jerk, off-base and wholly incorrect, whose emotions will change like the hours on a clock and a man for whom the Cubs will always underachieve.

We had a nice week the other week. Sweeping the Cardinals in a series for the first time in 30-odd years was a refreshing change, as was the more-than-respectable efforts put forth in Shea Stadium against a cocky and talented Mets team. I was in attendance for that dour 1-0, extra-innings defeat, and Prior pitched superbly well.

Aramis has found his swing again, clubbing several big home runs in recent weeks.

Barrett is hitting like a man possessed.

Zambrano is pitching superbly well, compiling a tidy and effective July [6-0, 4.15 ERA].

I do notice these things, honestly I do. But it's the kind of shit that you can read anywhere, glowing reports and happy-go-lucky accounts of good things we've done. I can write in a more positive light sometimes, and maybe I should, but I like to think of my work here as the instant, spur-of-the-moment ramblings of a man who reacts to things as he sees them, not the home for polite, well-reasoned statistical analysis that the AP or SI.com can do every day without restraint. [Hence the copious amounts of swearing, profanity and insensitive comments about various Cubs players and personnel and their family members]

It definitely keeps things more interesting.

Concise Hatred from a Public Library, Vol. I

Fuck Kerry Wood. Pussy. You won't be a reliever for us, I fucking hope.

Uh-oh

Well peoples, apologies. My laptop is getting fixed, inexplicably sent to Chicago when a ten-pound sledgehammer in my garden would probably have had the same effect, and as such, the site has slowed to an Aramis Ramirez-esque crawl. [He is slower than a pregnant woman running to first base sometimes, although hitting all those HRs lately solves that problem]

So there's my excuse, as for the others?

Hyposquasher -- probably buried with Hoffa somewhere, or scratching his ass at work.
The Hawk -- saving children from a burning building/lifting the earth on his shoulders/biking 7000 miles for no apparent reason/something else retardedly active and calorie-burning.
AdicaRoy -- trading spaces.

I will be back, hopefully within the week. There is so much to talk about, including:

- Derrek Lee back to the DL
- Why does Prior suck? Scientists consider DNA analysis
- Aramis Ramirez and the Home Run Continuum [aka where the fuck was this power in April and May?]
- Michael Barrett finally batting up the order
- Fuck Neifi
- So Long Maddux, I wish we'd been better for you
- Todd Walker grabs his surfboard and fucks off to the West Coast as well
- Who the fuck did we get in return?
- JT attends the 1-0 game at Shea last week
- We swept the Cardinals? And took 2 of 3 from the Mets? Are we in upside-down world?
- Please, someone shoot Dusty already. And that prick Hendry too.

Word is bond. Now get back to work.

JT.