Sunday, May 7

Top x! Volume 1.

Well, I've been tossing some things around in my head, and as I watch the Padres hang another 3 on the Cubs today (a game that TheHawk is at, by the way), it occurs to me that we as Cub fans have a couple choices. This thought process was begun in a phone conversation late last night with JT during the Cubs game, and the culmination has just come to me now, after truly letting Sarce's most recent post sink in.

We need something to do.

Since the Cubs are as abysmal as they seem to be recently, we need some sort of entertainment to keep us going. Sure we'll keep up with the regular posts we usually do with our opinions on the most recent game and the who-did-whats and our Cub of the Week and all, but we need something to replace the one thing we all used to have in common: hope.

Since our collective hope has been removed we are nothing but sniveling old ladies, griping about the kids from two houses down who play ball in the street, because they make so much noise and one day may break one of our windows by accident. Heck, Lazlo hasn't even posted a comment in days, and the silence is deafening. Come back, Lazlo, I have a new activity to replace the common hope we all used to share!

In light of releases such as High Fidelity and The Daily Show (when Craig Kilborne was still hosting), it seems to me that a cultural trend has reared its head in recent years: the trend of Countdowns. Well, without further adieu, I unveil to you... Top x!

That's right, Lingering Bursitis' very own list of the best somethings. They can be anything; anything Cub-related that is. It doesn't even have to be the same number every time, such as Top Five or Top Ten!!! By eliminating something so limiting as a specific integer and ingeniously replacing it with a much more flexible variable x, we can achieve new heights of entertainment! Our new subscription to the same organism that has yielded such sweet fruits as "I Love the 80's" on MTV and "Most Shocking Moments in Celebrity Hair" (or whatever it was called) on the E network will fill our respective rooms with smiles and laughter once again.

And today? We kick off Top x! with Volume 1: Things To Do Until Next Year (or the Cubs are good again)
5) Try-out for a reality TV show. Heck, I've always wanted to...
4) Think of new ways to get guys around the bases to score runs in the sport of baseball. Then we can put our findings in a book, and try to sell the book to the Cubs for lots of money, because the traditional "scoring by way of getting hits" just isn't working for them.
3) Each of us should learn to play at least one position in baseball. If the Cubs keep playing at their current level, there is a good chance that at least one of us will have an opportunity to make the squad at some point in the future. Then we can get the money. Then we get the khakis, then we get the chicks.
2) Learn to craft cute and shiny jewelry. Selling our jewelry at malls and bingo nights around the country, we should be able to save plenty of money so that when the Cubs are good again we can all travel to a couple games and watch them play!
1) Organized "Cub Night" once a week to learn organized cheers with each other. This way when the Cubs are good again and we are spending our book, baseball, or jewelry money at the Cubs games, we will be the most sophisticated and sychronized group of people in the crowd.

Yaaaaaay, I feel so much better!!! Give me some laughs by posting your thoughts and we'll see if they make the Top x!


At 1:26 AM, Blogger DS said...

Not a bad idea list from me right now as I'm wiped out from the weekend. I'm gonna pass on posting anything from the weekend because well, the games sucked.

Cubs fans were out in full force and I'd say it was a 50/50 split between pads and cubbies fans. Probably a majority of cubs fans for the sunday game.

At 1:27 AM, Blogger DS said...

Oh yeah, gave cub of the week to Marshall...nobody else did shit this week.

At 6:38 AM, Blogger Hyposquasher said...

good deal, i think we all agree.

At 7:50 PM, Anonymous Lazlo said...

5. Find your nearest Yankees or Cardinals fan.
4. Do what you will to your nearest Yankees or Cardinals fan.
3. Spend time with your family. They miss you after three years of unusual commitment to your baseball team because you actually thought they might be good.
2. Discuss how much potential Cedeno, Murton, Marshall, and maybe Guzman have, while not talking about Jacque Jones when you can avoid it.
1. Be happy that at least Pittsburgh is still losing.

Everyone is already trying out for reality TV shows. I'm just happy my American Idol tape hasn't been aired (they refuse to put me on TV, I think because they are afraid they made the wrong choice and America would call and protest that I was not accepted).

Anyway, the Cubs have actually been so bad lately that I haven't even been that upset when they lose. That's not good. But I will be watching tomorrow night. Lets hope A-Ram continues to hit dingers and Maddux gets back to his April self, so that we have something to talk about other than Marshall.


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