It's not easy being light-hearted

It's not easy being light-hearted when yr team gets swept by the most obnoxious, overprivileged assholes on the face of the baseball earth. It's not easy being light-hearted to watch each game unfold, runner left on base after runner left on base, 2-out Yankees RBI after 2-out Yankees RBI, fielding error after fielding error.

Goddamn were these games tough to endure. Not only for the somewhat larger truths they represent - that our pitching staff has taken a shitty, shitty turn for the worse in the last week, as well as the bigger fact that we're currently undoing all of that good old Hollywood Heroic stuff on the back of Prior's injury and our amazing run of form - but just because of where and when it happened.

Living in New York, reading those oily headlines, messy boxscores, yuck. Simply put -- yuck.

Another torrid one this afternoon, as the Cubs gave the Yankees more free outs and more free baserunners than Houston allowed cocks between her legs during the great Houston 501 (I wish I could erase some of the memories resultant of working in a porn/video store for 18 months in college), all of which gave the Yanks more than enough runs to put a neutered team to rest.

6 RBI singles (2 with 2 outs), 9 hits, 2 fielding errors, one runner (Jason "All-American" Giambi) reaching first safely after striking out due to a passed ball, 6 walks -- Christmas came early for the Pinstriped among us.

In contrast, we had Mussina on the ropes for all of a minute, chasing him from the game in the 7th with runners on 1st and 2nd and only one out. Tanyon "Charisma" Sturtze took the mound and hit Dubois with his first pitch, perhaps a desperate attempt on his part to remind both the Cub batter and the rest of the audience that he is still on the Yankees roster, and so Neifi "Lead-off Hero" Perez has a bases-loaded, 1 out situation, a bounty so rich that even the most seasoned Barbeque Eater would be salivating, and he promptly grounded out to the Great White Reliever, who turned the simplest double play in history (eclipsing the efforts of 2B Garth Brooks during his time at A-Tuscaloosa) to end the inning. Joy!

The Cubs half of the 8th Inning also provided turgid drama. Bases loaded with 1 out, and Todd "I was Injured for a while, thanks for the Get Well Wishes" Walker was so happy to bat that his RBI Fielder's Choice brought in one run and still kept runners on 1st and 3rd.

Enter Michael "Fantasy Baseball Team Killer" Barrett, whose strikeout to Tom Gordon ended another inning with Cubs loitering on the bases like Brooklyn schoolkids outside Tastee D-Lite.

The Cubs batted 8-34 in the game, and stranded 7 on base. Neifi, Hollandsworth, Corey and Dubois aka "The New Breakfast Club" batted an incredible .000 (0-15) in the game. Well done there.

For the series, the Cubs batted 5-30, 8-34 and 12-36, a combined 25-100 -- not a terrible output, but their penchant from stranding runners and squandering opportunities meant that even Paul "DL" Wilson or Chan Ho "85mph Fastball" Park could have pitched perfect games. Sigh.

This will end shortly, I'm being too vitriolic and sour, but perhaps deservedly so. In the past, these frantic, angered rants have coincidentally inspired great things from unexpected Cubs sources. Heck, even Hollandsworth's been player of the week this season, something Corey "Thank God my Libido is higher than my OBP" Patterson can't attest to. So maybe a healthy dose of unsubstantiated, bitter, and possibly even misguided (and drunken) ranting, the likes of which everyone's come to expect from me, can't hurt. We've seen better this season, we've certainly seen worse (losing 2 of 3 to the Diamondbacks!!?!?!?!), and that is the way it will always go.

Back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Who was the big winner this weekend? Maybe Preston "I Hate Skiing" Wilson, maybe a wistful and woefully-injured Nomar, or maybe it was our resolve. Despite the rough run of form (1-6, outscored by an Arena Football-like 55-31, only 1 game above .500), this last week has surely tested us all a little bit. Whether our expectations, our hopes, or our eternal burning optimism, another week in the life of the Cubs has trickled slowly past, and tomorrow is another day.

Let's see it, Cubs: 4 in Milwaukee's boozy confines, and then three at Comiskey. Show us what you've got to offer.