The Playoffs in 100 Words or Less
ALDS: Boston Red Sox vs. Chicago White Sox
Can Ortiz be a hero again? I doubt.
White Sox 3, Red Sox 1.
ALDS: New York Yankees vs. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Figgins = clutch. Wang and Chacon in postseason? Uh-oh, unless Sheffield becomes BMOC.
Angels 3, Yankees 2.
ALCS: Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim vs. Chicago White Sox
I hate Comiskey. Vlad will shit on it. Colon unloads, Guillen implodes, hangs out with Kyle Orton.
Angels 4, White Sox 2.
NLDS: Houston Astros vs. Atlanta Braves
Don’t mess with Texas. Chipper Jones is old. Sorry Francoeur, it’s not August anymore.
Astros 3, Braves 1.
NLDS: San Diego Padres vs. St. Louis Cardinals
Fuck St. Louis, but they’ll win with ease. I hate Poo-holes.
Cardinals 3, Padres 0.
NLCS: Houston Astros vs. St. Louis Cardinals
Revenge is sweet. Mulder is shite. Biggio hits HRs, and Pujols cries on MVP award.
Astros 4, Cardinals 3.
THE WORLD SERIES: Houston Astros vs. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Clemens is scrappy, Washburn needs his pappy. Berkman vs. Guerrero = everyone’s a winner. Pitching beats Scioscia’s bitching, hell freezers over.
Astros 4, Angels 2.
PS. I wrote this in 11 minutes. I bet I'm wrong, but I'm sticking to it, Mariotti-style.