Monday, August 29

Effects the Cubs have on the Body

All of these Todd Walker trade rumours are making me gassy.

When the Cubs hang 14 runs in 1 game vs. the Marlins after only managing 19 (including 10 in one game) the previous week, I get extreme bouts of depression.

Seeing Greg Maddux get less run support than a haemorroid gives me a stomach ache.

Glendon Rusch's schizophrenic pitching outings give me migraines.

When Corey Patterson strikes out, my fists hurt from being pounded against a brick wall.

Derrek Lee's offense gives me an erection.

I'm allergic to Jose Macias.

Somehow we're on television tonight. I'll tune in from time to time in the same way I used to watch horror movies as a kid: one finger on the channel change button, so when things get too scary, I can quickly escape and remind myself it's only entertainment. Have the cyanide capsules ready -- the King Rib is taking the mound. He's up against a guy who's hasn't won since June 27, going 0-6 with a 4.32 ERA since that point. We all know what that means, LB faithful: he'll hang 7 1/3 strong innings, giving up maybe 5 hits and 1 earned run while striking out a boatload. Let's hope the Rib isn't too full to handle the challenge of a Dodger scorned.

I don't have much in the way of constructive thought to offer today, possibly the by-product of a spleen-bursting weekend and a work-filled monday. Tomorrow, I'm sure, will bring something along the lines of what you've always loved - angry rhetoric with a point.

Pitching Matchup:
LAD: RHP D.J. Houlton • 4-7, 4.86 ERA in 2005 • 0-0, 0.00 ERA vs. CHC in 2005
CHC: RHP Jerome Williams • 4-6, 4.74 ERA in 2005 • 2-1, 2.75 ERA vs. LAD in career


At 5:21 PM, Anonymous Lazlo said...

First of all, who says we like the angry rhetoric? Making a point is good, but I'd much prefer it to be joyful rhetoric. Possibly celebrating a landslide victory.

Second, nobody wants to know if Lee gives you an erection.

Finally, lets hope Williams can put up some zeros tonight. I look forward to what I hope will be a solid game, and a chance to see Cedeno and McClain in their big-league glory.

At 5:24 PM, Blogger JT said...

Points duly noted.

At 2:39 PM, Anonymous Lazlo said...

Well, so long Holly. We'll miss you.

I know a lot of people have complained about Hollandsworth this year (was anyone complaining last year when he was batting over .300 in sosa's stead?), but I will miss him. No matter what, he always gave a full effort on every play. More than that, he was always trying to find a sneaky, tricky, Joe Hussle way to get just a little bit more out of every hit, sacrifice, catch, etc. Good luck Holly. I don't much like the Braves, but I wish you luck.

On another note, welcome back to Murton, and welcome to the big leagues to Jermaine Van Buren. I look forward to watching Murton play regularly, and I hope Van Buren can put up numbers similar to those he had in Iowa. If so, he'll be in the bigs for a while. However, I do hope that this is the Cubs last big move. I don't want to see Walker go. Plus, how many unproven minor league pitchers do we need?

At 2:45 PM, Anonymous Lazlo said...

Interesting note found on WGN's site.

Most Consecutive Home Starts Allowing 3 Runs or Less, MLB

*Mark Prior, ChC 13
John Patterson, Was 9
Andy Pettitte, Hou 9
*Carlos Zambrano, ChC 7
Brad Radke, Min 7

Personally, I find this information shameful, considering boh Carlos and Prior have very few wins... Somebady back them up, please. Tonight if possible.

At 3:31 PM, Blogger Joe said...

someone needs to start a site similar to for dusty

At 3:44 PM, Blogger JT said...


I think those stats about pitching pretty much sum up why we're not in a better position. It's the "Clemens Effect", as our offense just sometimes fails to give our aces any help whatsoever.

It's a good hint as to why we're not 10 wins further up the ladder.


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