Effects the Cubs have on the Body
All of these Todd Walker trade rumours are making me gassy.
When the Cubs hang 14 runs in 1 game vs. the Marlins after only managing 19 (including 10 in one game) the previous week, I get extreme bouts of depression.
Seeing Greg Maddux get less run support than a haemorroid gives me a stomach ache.
Glendon Rusch's schizophrenic pitching outings give me migraines.
When Corey Patterson strikes out, my fists hurt from being pounded against a brick wall.
Derrek Lee's offense gives me an erection.
I'm allergic to Jose Macias.
Somehow we're on television tonight. I'll tune in from time to time in the same way I used to watch horror movies as a kid: one finger on the channel change button, so when things get too scary, I can quickly escape and remind myself it's only entertainment. Have the cyanide capsules ready -- the King Rib is taking the mound. He's up against a guy who's hasn't won since June 27, going 0-6 with a 4.32 ERA since that point. We all know what that means, LB faithful: he'll hang 7 1/3 strong innings, giving up maybe 5 hits and 1 earned run while striking out a boatload. Let's hope the Rib isn't too full to handle the challenge of a Dodger scorned.
I don't have much in the way of constructive thought to offer today, possibly the by-product of a spleen-bursting weekend and a work-filled monday. Tomorrow, I'm sure, will bring something along the lines of what you've always loved - angry rhetoric with a point.
LAD: RHP D.J. Houlton • 4-7, 4.86 ERA in 2005 • 0-0, 0.00 ERA vs. CHC in 2005
CHC: RHP Jerome Williams • 4-6, 4.74 ERA in 2005 • 2-1, 2.75 ERA vs. LAD in career