LINGERING BURSITIS

Suck a cock, Chicago Cubs

2007-05-17T15:56:00.000-04:00

I'm taking a week off from the Cubs. I cannot believe the flaming bag of hepatitis and horse cock that I just witnessed on TV. With a 4-run lead against the flaccid Mets lineup going into the final frame, what could go wrong? Only a handful of pathetic walks, several basehits and enough stinging heartbreak to fill a thousand Dawson's Creek episodes.

Aramis finds his bat and contributes 3 RBIs, Guzman pitches tidily for 5 innings, Ohman K's 4 in 1 2/3 innings, and then Dempster couldn't find the strikezone if it was a piece of pornstar pussy.

The measure of a good team is winning games out, closing out and finishing yr business when you've put in a hard day's work. But not us. For the Cubs, we constantly strive to find new and exciting ways to lose, causing me so much grief I bet I could stick my hand in a blender and I would feel no pain. Why? Because loving the Cubs has caused me to lose all ability to feel pain. I'm immune now to sadness, because watching this bunch of sadsacks traipse around a field for 3 hours has left me emotionally sterile.

We stagger into Shea for a difficult 4-game series, and acquit ourselves quite well. We commit Hari-Kiri on monday night, thanks to Wuertz's "Walk This Way" heroics, we bounce back well on Tuesday thanks to El Toro regaining some balls, Wednesday was a wash as we were unable to solve Jorge fucking Sosa, and then today, we collect timely hits against a weakened lineup, only to piss it away at the death.

Give me sweet release from this horseshit. Please.

Send bullets with my name on them to: JT, Port Chester, NY. They'll know what to do from there.

And how

2007-04-29T16:44:00.000-04:00

Thumbs up:
1.
Lilly, Hill, Marquis - The Wonder Bread Trio

Responsible for 8 of our 10 wins. I'm impressed, and really did not see this happening at all. Of course it's still early, but who gives a fuck?

Rich Hill [3-1, 1.57 ERA]
Ted Lilly [2-2, 2.18 ERA]
The Marquis de Slop [3-1, 2.35 ERA]

2.
Derrek Lee
Batting at a great clip, picking up where he left off in 2005 and his Triple Crown hunt [fuck you, Pujols]. No home run oomph, but still, 16 RBIs so far.

3.
Alfonso Soriano
Not prolific just yet, but he's coming along nicely. His average and OBP need to improve a lot for a leadoff, but it's still early.

4.
Beating the Cardinals a lot
I like this the most.

5.
The Riot!
Goddamn. Why is he not in the permanent lineup? He can play multiple positions, and hits for average like a rotisserie leaguer's wet dream. More ABs, please.

Thumbs down:
1.
Carlos Zambrano
Where did the Bull go? He's trying way too hard, getting shellacked, and his Latin fire needs to be channeled more effectively. Maybe he cannot relate to the crazy fire of Pinella.

2.
Mark Prior
Fuck off and die. You are dead to me, but real death might not be so bad. Fuck off and join the Orioles.

3.
Losing a lot to the Pirates
I don't like this one bit, because I have several big bets with a die-hard Pirates fan that I really don't want to have to pay out on.

4.
Our shitty shortstops
Izturis and Cedeno are currently the worst non-pitching hitters on the team. Weak bats, terrible D. I never thought I'd be pining for the Alex Gonzalez era.

5.
Where are the homers?
No home run power from anyone so far. Aramis has the touch, Barrett has mysteriously found some power, and Mark DeRosa, our SECOND BASEMAN, is 2nd on the team in trips to dinger country. Carlos Zambrano has as many HRs as Derrek Lee, and Cliff Floyd. Ronny Cedeno has more HRs than Lee. Soriano has yet to hit one, and he's in a more HR-friendly park [how the fuck did he hit 46 at RFK Stadium?].

All singles and no bombs make JT go crazy.

Biggest Thumbs Down ever:
Us. We're lazy, and we suck. I need to get this outlet running again. Promise. Fuck. I hope I don't break that promise.

Christ.

2006-12-15T12:24:00.000-05:00

Alright, people, I swear we'll be back in 2007, like maybe the end of January? Things kinda died around here, much like the hopes and dreams and performance of our terrible franchise.

However, the future looks bright. We overspent for a bunch of players, we're trying to finagle a few trades, and at least we're trying. We have a new manager, a new lineup, a fresh-looking rotation [Jason Marquis? Christ, pass me the Tums], and fresh hope.

After writing all that, I think I need fresh underwear.

Retort from a Public Library

2006-08-06T14:56:00.000-04:00

I don't think it's funny that I neglect to mention good things about the Cubs, simply because we all know what to expect from this website. Yes, it's been oddly dormant of late [my woes have been insanely well-documented], and while the other members have gone A.W.O.L., it is a proven fact that I am LB's resident old man pessimist, the guy whose cup will always be half-empty, whose opinions will always be knee-jerk, off-base and wholly incorrect, whose emotions will change like the hours on a clock and a man for whom the Cubs will always underachieve.

We had a nice week the other week. Sweeping the Cardinals in a series for the first time in 30-odd years was a refreshing change, as was the more-than-respectable efforts put forth in Shea Stadium against a cocky and talented Mets team. I was in attendance for that dour 1-0, extra-innings defeat, and Prior pitched superbly well.

Aramis has found his swing again, clubbing several big home runs in recent weeks.

Barrett is hitting like a man possessed.

Zambrano is pitching superbly well, compiling a tidy and effective July [6-0, 4.15 ERA].

I do notice these things, honestly I do. But it's the kind of shit that you can read anywhere, glowing reports and happy-go-lucky accounts of good things we've done. I can write in a more positive light sometimes, and maybe I should, but I like to think of my work here as the instant, spur-of-the-moment ramblings of a man who reacts to things as he sees them, not the home for polite, well-reasoned statistical analysis that the AP or SI.com can do every day without restraint. [Hence the copious amounts of swearing, profanity and insensitive comments about various Cubs players and personnel and their family members]

It definitely keeps things more interesting.

Concise Hatred from a Public Library, Vol. I

2006-08-03T13:07:00.000-04:00

Fuck Kerry Wood. Pussy. You won't be a reliever for us, I fucking hope.

Uh-oh

2006-08-01T13:12:00.000-04:00

Well peoples, apologies. My laptop is getting fixed, inexplicably sent to Chicago when a ten-pound sledgehammer in my garden would probably have had the same effect, and as such, the site has slowed to an Aramis Ramirez-esque crawl. [He is slower than a pregnant woman running to first base sometimes, although hitting all those HRs lately solves that problem]

So there's my excuse, as for the others?

Hyposquasher -- probably buried with Hoffa somewhere, or scratching his ass at work.
The Hawk -- saving children from a burning building/lifting the earth on his shoulders/biking 7000 miles for no apparent reason/something else retardedly active and calorie-burning.
AdicaRoy -- trading spaces.

I will be back, hopefully within the week. There is so much to talk about, including:

- Derrek Lee back to the DL
- Why does Prior suck? Scientists consider DNA analysis
- Aramis Ramirez and the Home Run Continuum [aka where the fuck was this power in April and May?]
- Michael Barrett finally batting up the order
- Fuck Neifi
- So Long Maddux, I wish we'd been better for you
- Todd Walker grabs his surfboard and fucks off to the West Coast as well
- Who the fuck did we get in return?
- JT attends the 1-0 game at Shea last week
- We swept the Cardinals? And took 2 of 3 from the Mets? Are we in upside-down world?
- Please, someone shoot Dusty already. And that prick Hendry too.

Word is bond. Now get back to work.

JT.

Slate Magazine on The Cubs

2006-07-15T12:27:00.000-04:00

Alright, so I signed on to be a contributor for this blog back in its gestation phase, and as time has told, I rarely to never contribute anything, much less anything worth reading. Which leads me to two points:

1. Why do I have the highest number of profile views? The interweb continues to baffle me.

2. The Cubs Savior - Chicago Fans Wait for Their Messiah

The "Sports Nut" column dissects the 100 years of waiting for the one player who will take the Cubs all the way. Alternately titled (by me) as Meanwhile, Everyone Waited for Kerry Wood and Mark Prior To Get Healthy. The article also contains a nice link to this ESPN bit, which I'm sure you have already all been following - Foul Play: On the Trail of the Most Reclusive Man in Sports. Have fun, all. And as for my blogger profile...move along, folks. Nothing there to see.

Unbelievable feats of staggering ineptitude

2006-06-28T11:48:00.000-04:00

Forgive me the steady recent use of hyperbole, but what the fuck. Seriously. What on earth can be done to save or redeem this useless club, this wan outfit, this dead donkey, this heartless crew of ballplayers? Does anyone in the clubhouse care to fix things, besides idle quotes of disgust and false urgency? Is anyone actively trying to right the Cubs organization, aside from press releases and interviews where they claim to be "trying"? What is there to show for it?

Naturally, being the knee-jerk supporter I am, I fear that several options are available, with the scant minority of them being either reasonable, logical or legal in the continental United States.

One. Cut that Meat.
My first desire would involve firing, DFAing, or trading several prominent players and building from scratch. At this point, it seems like the only thing that our front office staff could execute with even the faintest amount of capability. Get market value for the few big names we have, and offer to pay some of their salaries to ease the burden of their contracts, and be sure to receive quality prospects in return. [I should quickly point out that I'm not looking at any salary or contract restrictions while writing this, because I leave research like that to the better Cubs blogs out there, like the Cub Reporter and Bleed Cubbie Blue. Plus, it would really kill my angry buzz.]

Guys like Derrek Lee, Ramirez, Dempster [well, maybe not him], Pierre, Jacque Jones should hit the trade market because right now, they have some sort of value. There are many teams desperate for a "name" outfielder, and who wouldn't want a corner infielder who can hit for power and has a reasonable decade of major league service ahead of them?

In return, get AAA or major-league ready prospects who we can plug immediately into the lineup. This season is essentially finished, I would argue, and there's tons of time left for experimentation and taking a motherfucking risk. It has always bothered me how the Cubs front office treats prospects with insane kid gloves, seemingly afraid to trade and seemingly nervous to put them into the MLB lineup card. That's another rant right there.

Two. The Nucleus.
We have several rookies and young-ish guys who could become franchise names if they continue to see regular playing time and proper coaching [both are things I fear they will never get while in Cubbie blue].

Cedeno, Marmol, Marshall, Novoa, Aardsma, Pie, Murton, Zambrano, Pagan. Keep El Toro [he'd be the grandpappy of the team, much like Willis is down in Florida] around to anchor the side, let the young pitching develop as Marmol and Marshall have shown they can do, work on guys like Guzman and Hill who have struggled with the Cubs thus far, and let these other guys who have begun to age in the major leagues keep growing as a unit. Bring up some AA guys to start building those middle-infield combinations and that team unity, and work on the speed element of our game.

These guys, along with any and all prospects we can receive in trading away our big names [we'd be looking for SPs, IFs and corner outfield positions mainly], would then have time to grow as a unit and get that timing right. Not to mention the money we'd save!

Three. It's Time to Let Go.
Letting go of loved ones is hard to do, but if you can do it with some dignity, always take that high road. Mark Prior and Kerry Wood should be given a fair swansong [because we mustn't forget, they were good once] before being set free like Free Willy, or a wet fart at the family gathering.

Whether it's free agency, the old DFA route [not advisable, no matter how hungry for blood the Cubs faithful gets], or an under-the-radar trade, let them go. Acknowledge that it's time for them to try and ply their trade elsewhere, much like we did in shoving Korey to the curb last off-season.

Pick apart my insanely flawed logic all you want. Call me crazy, seriously, but I think we need to go one of two ways, someway, somehow: The Oakland A's road, or the Florida Marlins' road.

My money's on the Marlins' plan as being the smartest way to salvage this team.

PS. I did see the Cubs won somehow today. Obviously it was out of spite, and they read my bile this morning. More on that at some point tomorrow. Hopefully.

Fucking Bullshit

2006-06-28T11:29:00.000-04:00

MILWAUKEE 8, CUBS 5
W - B. Shouse [1-0, 2.02 ERA]
L - R. Dempster [1-4, 4.54 ERA]
S - D. Turnbow [22, 3.41 ERA]

If there's a better picture out there to symbolize and sum up our team right now, I have yet to see it. We scrape, battle, fight, gnash and stagger towards victory, only for it to elude us like a greasy groundball to third with runners on the bases. It slips from our grasp, and the manners and methods that seem to illustrate our defeats become all the more depressing with each passing day.

Tonight, it was the blown save again, Dempster's 4th of the season, and that was not the troubling part. Tonight, it was the fact that we had come back from deficits of 3-0 and 4-3 to take the lead in the 8th inning, only to watch Brewers' baserunners score with the consummate ease of Wilt Chamberlain. As always, errors were a blown save's best friend, with 2 huge mistakes in that fateful 9th frame -- the first when Dempster fielded a sacrifice bunt [with runners on 1st and 2nd and 0 outs] and tried to throw out the runner at third, only to send the ball high into left field, allowing Koskie to trot home easily from second base. Then, again with 0 outs and runners on 2nd and 3rd, a hard-hit grounder to Cedeno somehow squeezed through his legs, allowing another run to score. Two sacrifice flies later, and the Cubs fall 8-5.

If I were Carlos Zambrano, I would demand a trade. After a recent article in ESPN: The Magazine, where they portrayed him as an unfortunate star who is a winning franchise away from a Cy Young, he once again strapped this feckless bunch to his back, pitching 8 strong innings [8 IP, 6 H, 4 ER, 2 BB, 8 K], and had played himself into contention for the win by also hitting a 2-run home run in the 5th inning.

What more can the guy do? Throw a CG every night of the week, hit in the 3 spot, catch for himself, call his own games, write the lineups, wash the jerseys? I bet that he would be willing.

To add further fuel to an already raging inferno, we have welcomed Derrek Lee back and promptly lost each of the 3 games he has played. While true that he has gone 3-13 since returning, at least we have our talisman back, the man set to strike fear into opposing pitchers once again. Our results do not reflect that.

Recent articles on Yahoo! Sports reflect the steadily rising ire of Cubs fans, not to mention the increasing heat under Dusty Baker's seat as the manager of this sullen group. After nights like this, it is almost certainly justified.

Anti-Cubs Haiku Poetry

2006-06-28T11:24:00.000-04:00

Fuck this team so much
If they lived in Darwin's time
They would have died first

Inept, bereft, bad
The Cubs limp through the Central
Like old, drunk monkeys

Errors are fun, gah!
Blown saves are yet another
way to lose, we know

Do they like free cash?
Their salaries are big and
they don't work for them

Lose, lose, lose some more
Cubbie blue is painful, how
irate they make us

Wood is a large pain
in our collective asses
pitching, then aching

Carlos deserves more
than this weak-ass offense we
seem to bring each start

Aramis fails us
batting weakly, swings meekly
av'rage not his friend

scrubs might fare better
give young'uns a chance, and cut
the old fat fast, please

Dusty? Fuck Baker
his time with us should soon end
for his record sucks

The Trib, such damp squibs
our hopes die in their pages
Mariotti? No!

Blanco saves

2006-06-20T15:25:00.000-04:00

CUBS 12, INDIANS 8
W - S. Marshall [4-5, 4.97]
L - J. Johnson [3-8, 5.96]

There's nothing better in this "business" of blogging [the trade needs a catchier name, and a paycheck wouldn't hurt either] than being absolutely wrong about something.

From one day to another, I make all sorts of guesses, half-hearted predictions and assumptions about our much-maligned and weary team, only to be left incorrect once the dust settles.

I imagine a similar fate awaits Jay Mariotti each and every time he heads into work, as he sits down at his desk or cubicle [which I envision to be in a dank, cold part of the office far from the editorial staff and people of importance] only to contradict his strong "beliefs" from the previous column that seemingly change like the winds blowing in off Lake Michigan.

In this particular instant, I foretold of doom and gloom against the Tribe, and after the first game in the series, I have been pleasantly surprised. It's satisfying when your errors and mistakes result in a win for the Cubs. And last night, we began a streak. A winning streak. A streak of one.

Aside from being wrong, there is great satisfaction is missing something amid all the statistics and predictions in baseball. Henry Blanco, who once sported some of the ugliest and most depressing offensive statistics on the Cubs' roster, has now decided to strap the team to his stubborn, defiant Sherpa-like back, providing more offense in his last 7 games than he did almost all of last season. Allow me to illustrate:

First 14 games:
.051 BA [2-for-39], 2 RBI
Last 7 games:
.542 BA [13-for-24], 3 HR, 11 RBI
2005 Season [just for perspective]:
.242 BA [39-for-161], 6 HR, 25 RBI

And so, yet another of those bizarre phenomena in life emerges. With Barrett's suspension officially beginning last night, Blanco's presence in the lineup for the next 9 games might not be so bad. After all, it cannot get much worse. It's also worth noting that Blanco's enjoyed batting in Jacobs Field over his career, hitting .436 [17-for-39] there in his lifetime.

Another thing I got wrong was the Tribe's pitching staff. I noted yesterday that their starters for this series might be able to outduel our lads, and while that might still be partially true, I had completely forgotten how awful their bullpen was. After we chased Jason Johnson from the game after 5 innings [5 IP, 6 H, 6 R, 3 ER, 2 BB, 3 K], our lineup managed to tack on 6 runs to their relievers. As Cleveland crumbled, we held on until Dempster's outing [you know, because he's had no save opportunities in what seems like months] when the Indians put 4 runs on the board.

While it didn't cost us the match, his lack of 9th inning composure is becoming a little troubling - in his last 10 outings, his ERA has risen from 3.32 to 4.45, with 2 blown saves in the mix, and he should have fared better yesterday than his line might show [IP, 4 H, 4 ER, 2 BB].

But let's not be concerned by such trifling matters. Just know that lately, guys like Jacque Jones and Aramis Ramirez are beginning to find their feet, Sean Marshall's pitching well above expectations after jumping from AA, and Zambrano is finding his Latin fire once more. Forget Wood, forget Prior, and pay no mind to the continued absence of Derrek Lee.

As of today, Henry Blanco is here.

The Land of Cleves

2006-06-19T09:00:00.000-04:00

Interleague bullshit continues with this three-game series in Cleveland. The Indians are currently enjoying their own little pity party, dropping three straight to Milwaukee thanks to their bullpen and going 2-8 in their last 10 games, but there's often no better cure to a team's losing ways than a quick rendez-vous with the league's most disappointing, our Cubbies.

PITCHING MATCHUPS
-----
Tonight, 7.05pm ET
CHC - LHP Sean Marshall [3-5, 4.82 ERA]
CLE - RHP Jason Johnson [3-7, 6.00 ERA]
-
Tuesday, 7.05pm ET
CHC - RHP Greg Maddux [7-6, 4.82]
CLE - LHP Cliff Lee [5-5, 5.04]
-
Wednesday, 7.05pm ET
CHC - RHP Carlos Zambrano [5-3, 2.82]
CLE - LHP C.C. Sabathia [5-3, 3.08]

PREDICTIONS
-----
Once again, I think we'll drop two of three in this department, although the matchups are extremely favourable for a Cubs sweep, in all honesty. Marshall can outmatch Johnson, but like in all three games, the lineup the Cubs have to pitch against is vastly more threatening that that which the Indians will have to contend with. So, despite my optimism for a Cubs sweep, I think we'll drop tonight, beat Clifford Lee tomorrow and Zambrano will get no decision vs. Sabathia on Wednesday.

Prior-ities

2006-06-19T08:29:00.000-04:00

TIGERS 12, CUBS 3
W - K. Rogers [10-3]
L - M. Prior [0-1]

The prodigal son returns home, and we remain unfulfilled. Mark Prior struggled through
3 2/3 innings, surrendering 4 home runs in total to a hungry Tigers lineup. On a day when all 15 runs came from the long ball, Prior got shellacked, and I can't help but wonder what this means for the future of his season and his career.

I'm trying hard not to over-analyze it [hard to believe considering that last sentence], but this was rough. Wood at least got one reasonably good start out before his shoulder started acting up again, while Prior enjoyed simple rehab outings and when it came time to face the big boys, those talents were strangely absent. His pitches weren't falling, and with that power-pitcher mentality, Prior tried to muscle past the lineup and got nowhere.

I feel that if he is to find himself pitching in the majors for a long period of time, he needs to drastically readjust his mentality on the mound, along with his mechanics, because those days of power pitching seem to be coming to an end.

It's also worth mentioning that we've lost six in a row at home [3 to Houston, 3 to Detroit], and with Cleveland next up on the menu, there's seemingly no end in sight.

Tiger, tiger, burning bright

2006-06-16T13:23:00.000-04:00

FINAL -- TIGERS 5, CUBS 3
W - N. Robertson [7-3]
L - G. Rusch [2-7]
S - T. Jones [18]

Not surprisingly, we couldn't pull it out. Todd Jones pitched a perfect ninth for his 18th save of the season [not bad for a man with a 7.00 ERA], and the Cubs lose again. F*ck.

Bottom 8th - Cubs 3, Detroit 5
A brief lifeline comes in the form of a Ramirez solo shot deep to center field, but Nevin and Murton throw away their outs to close the frame. One shot left in the 9th...

Bottom 7th - Cubs 2, Detroit 5
Christ, I fell asleep and missed nothing. Even the Mexico/Angola game is locked up at 0-0 with only 10 minutes left. Blanco hit a solo HR [I have no idea how], which was canceled out in the next inning by a Polanco RBI single. Robertson looks mean on the mound, and Guzman has acquitted himself perfectly, and should perhaps steal Rusch's spot in the rotation.
DET - Robertson 6 2/3 IP, 5 H, 2 ER, 2 BB, 2 K
CHC - Guzman 5 1/3 IP, 3 H, ER, 3 BB, 8 K
Impressive stuff.

Top 4th - Detroit 4, Cubs 1
Angel Guzman has 5 K in 2 1/3 IP. That's impressive.

Bottom 3rd - Cubs 1, Detroit 4
Another snoozefest from the Cubbies. Single, pop out, fly out, ground out. It's so bad I might go out.

Top 3rd - Detroit 4, Cubs 1
Holy f-ck. A 1-2-3 inning. Guzman slams the door on Pudge, Magglio and Guillen, something Rusch couldn't do if they were asleep.

Bottom 2nd - Cubs 1, Detroit 4
And with that, our offense roars alive, to the tune of a leadoff double by JJ, a groundout by Cedeno getting the runner over, and a soft, soft single by Henry "I hit so badly because I'm scared of my own power" Blanco to bring him home.

Top 2nd - Detroit 4, Cubs 0
Of course, Rusch is already out of the game. The Tigers feasted on him again in this inning, having made him throw 30 pitches just to escape the 1st. What did it this time? A solo home run by Thames, a double by Shelton, and an RBI triple by Granderson. Guzman then strikes out Polanco to end it, showing Rusch that throwing strikes will always bail you out. F*ck.

Bottom 1st - Cubs 0, Detroit 2
Yawn. Pierre gets plunked, and then makes it to second on a throwing error by Robertson. Nothing comes of it though, and the Cubs leave him in scoring position.

Top 1st - Detroit 2, Cubs 0
As predicted, an early shellacking for Rusch. The Tigers open the inning with back-to-back doubles, before scoring on a sac fly and an RBI single. The Cubs work out of the jam nicely, finishing the frame with a neat strikeout/caught stealing double play. Don't see those too often.

Absolute Shite

2006-06-16T12:07:00.000-04:00

How do I hold this damn thing again?

Cubs 2, Astros 3
W - D. Borkowski [1-0]
L - B. Howry [2-2]
S - B. Lidge [18]

Well, over the last six weeks we've seen all sorts of innovation from the Cubs, particularly in the difficult art of finding new ways to lose. A superb outing by Zambrano was absolutely wasted -- his performance [7 IP, 5 H, ER, 2 BB, 5 K] deserved so much more than it received, which in the end was a no-decision.

Howry's entrance into the game in the 8th inning suddenly sparked a toothless Astros offense, slapping back-to-back singles to open the frame. Preston Wilson grounded into the fielder's choice, but Walker's throwing error gave them the gift of two runners in scoring position and only one out. It didn't take long [aka the next batter] for the dam to burst, as Ausmus' single to right scored both runs and gave the Astros a 3-2 lead that they would not relinquish.

If there is such a thing as a "statement" game, this would be a worthy candidate. It symbolizes so much about our season so far -- earnest effort ruined by unspeakable lapses and mistakes. You can say what you want about injuries, but I hope the chatter about the monumental loss of Derrek Lee to our offense will die in light of a certain Pujols' injury for the Cardinals. His contribution to their team's offense is perhaps greater than what Lee provided for us, and yet we flounded time and time again.

But, we must look forward. We welcome Detroit for a 3-game series that could be equally frightening, considering the depth of their lineup and their fearsome pitching rotation [a fact that is compounded by our sending two rookies to the mound this weekend]. Sure, I'll tune in now and again, but the World Cup has got me by the scruff of the neck lately. Who would turn down Mexico vs. Angola?

BITCHING PITCHING MATCHUPS
-----
Today, 2.20pm ET
DET -- LHP Nate Robertson [6-3, 3.50 ERA]
CHI -- LHP Glendon Rusch [2-6, 7.29 ERA]
---
Saturday, 2.05pm ET
DET -- RHP Justin Verlander [7-4, 3.32]
CHC -- RHP Carlos Marmol [1-0, 0.90]
---
Sunday, 12.20pm ET
DET -- LHP Kenny Rogers [9-3, 3.25]
CHC -- LHP Sean Marshall [3-5, 4.82]

PREDICTIONS
-----
I have no grounds for this, but I see us losing two of three this weekend, with our biggest chance for a win coming against the occasionally-wild Kenny Rogers. He's due for a blowup outing, the kind where his line reads 3 IP, 11 H, 8 ER or something. I will do my best to watch the dynamic Verlander tomorrow, but we'll see. Some things are bigger than baseball. [Sometimes.]

Happy Birthday!?!??!??!!!?!?!! [A gift of sarcasm]

2006-06-15T06:26:00.000-04:00

Woooooooooooooooooooo Wooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! Happy Birthday!!!!!!!

Maybe we can celebrate with a win tonight!!!!!!!

Who needs world peace when you manage one of the worst teams in baseball!!!!!!!

Congratulations! Dusty Baker, 57 years old!!!!!!!! Looking good, dude!!!!!

[Also, may you not get a gift-wrapped contract extension just because it's your birthday.]

Things I have missed lately

2006-06-13T15:36:00.000-04:00

I haven't seen much Cubs action since the beginning of June, for various reasons. I've been drunk a few times, which is normal, not to mention the Aurora Borealis-like appearance of the World Cup on my horizon. Being a limey, it's encoded deep in my DNA that I must pay attention and watch virtually every minute, a pact that I have almost delivered on so far [except for missing the 2nd half of Poland/Ecuador, and the 1st half of Argentina/Ivory Coast].

That being said, the Cubs have "picked up their shit" lately, and I've been largely absent for most of it. I can't help but think that there is a correlation there, and so amid reasonably-spaced, breezy Cubs information, a whole heaping shitload of World Cup deliciousness will be foisted on you unfortunate lot for its duration. It's bigger than the Cubs, it's bigger than you or I, and frankly, it's bigger than the US of A. But, since June 1, I've missed some stuff. For example:

- The Cubs winning some games and playing consistently.
Since June 1, the Cubs have gone 6-4, and generally have played a lot better baseball. Outscoring opponents by the narrow margin of 42-37, our pitching has performed admirably, and several bats have been swinging in unison.

- The appearance of Carlos Marmol.
I fear the day when our seemingly endless lake of servicable, spot-starting AA-calibre pitchers will run dry, but in the interim, yet another has caught my eye. Carlos Marmol, a man from the Dominican Republic who is 4 months younger than I am [thus strengthening my depression about not making something of my life yet], has looked sensational to date, putting up the numbers we wish we'd see from Kerry or Mark -- 1-0, 10 IP, 5 H, ER, 3 BB, 13 K, .80 WHIP, .147 BAA, 0.90 ERA. Of course these figures will not last, but his command of three quality pitches might make him a key member of the ramshackle Cubs if we are to challenge for anything yet this season.

- The disappearance of Kerry Wood.
I have to wonder if his career at this level is over, as he visits the DL yet again this past week, and once again, with no classifiable injury other than "shoulder soreness". It's horribly vague, and will only serve to put Kerry Wood in that horribly vague category of players with incredible talent who faded into obscurity. His pitching was holding together [just about] over his 4 season starts in 2006 [1-2, 4.12 ERA, 19 2/3 IP, .253 BAA, 8 BB, 13 K], and yet his shoulder ultimately was not. He's a far, sad cry from the 1998 NL Rookie of the Year, and I question whether we'll see him again for any prolonged period of time in 2006. I just don't see it happening.

- Welcome, Phil Nevin.
About 5 weeks too late, the Cubs trade away Hairy Jerry and receive the wan-faced listless Phil Nevin, whose reasonable MLB career became a bit of a ping-pong ball. To clarify -- since playing 147 games for San Diego in 2004, Nevin has been traded from Texas back to San Diego in 2005 after 29 games, played 73 games for San Diego, only to be traded back to Texas in the 2005/06 offseason where he figured in 46 mediocre games [losing his spot in the TEX lineup to a rookie because Nevin couldn't hit Right-Handed Pitching!] before landing in Chicago on May 31. That, my friends, is a drama unto itself. In 7 games for the Cubbie blue, Nevin's hit two big home runs and batted .238 [5-for-21, 2 HR, 4 RBI, 3 R, BB, 4 K] so far. With latest news that Derrek Lee might start swinging a bat "as early as next week", Nevin will provide a little more pop off the bench in August and September, although you have to wonder what could have been if the Cubs hadn't tried to roll up their shirtsleeves and make do with limited resources throughout one of the worst months in recent memory [7-22 in May].

Tonight we take on Houston at home for a three-game set, and after the confidence-building 10-game road trip within our division [6-4 at St. Louis, Houston and Cincinnati], we'll see if we can keep the momentum going. In the meantime, be forewarned, as there will be daily updates regarding La Coupe du Monde, the Jules Rimet Trophy, the biggest sporting event in the world, the World Cup. I wish I was there [but I will absolutely be there in 2010, when the World Cup hits South Africa and its first time on African soil].

This Series' Bitching Pitching
TONIGHT
-
HOU -- LHP Andy Pettitte [5-7, 5.81]
CHC -- LHP Sean Marshall [3-4, 4.43]
-
WEDNESDAY
-
HOU -- RHP Roy Oswalt [5-3, 3.11]
CHC -- LHP Glendon Rusch [2-6, 7.29]
-
THURSDAY
-
HOU -- RHP Fernando Nieve [2-3, 4.85]
CHC -- RHP Greg Maddux [7-5, 4.68]

Is anyone else really impressed with Sean Marshall? In 12 season starts [his first 12 starts in the major leagues, coincidentally], he's allowed 2 ER or less in 8 starts, and despite being 1-4 in his last 6 starts, we really should be giving him better run support. He's done just about everything we could have ever expected from him, and he's only got a 3-4 record. Not to worry, I expect a victory this evening against Tutti Frutti Pettitte.

This "Week" in Dusty : 5-17 to 6-12 [ouch]

2006-06-12T09:13:00.000-04:00

"We got one of our main men back. Anytime you get one of your main men back, that's a tremendous lift. We'll get another main man back [with Prior] and another main man back [with Wade Miller] and then the main man back in [Derrek Lee]. When those main men are here, you have a great chance to win, even before the game starts. That adds a whole bunch of confidence to the team."
- New team name: The Chicago Main Men - 5/17

"He said he felt as if he'd been hit by a truck. He's sore everywhere, which is understandable. He had a lot more adrenaline going than he did down there in Arizona [pitching in rehab games]. He said it's a good, general soreness."
- Yeah, but then Wood went on the DL anyway - 5/19

"These things happen, whether it's the White Sox or Kansas City or whoever's in the league. I can't say our relationship is that tense with the White Sox or theirs with us. We're just playing baseball. These things happen. It's unfortunate. You don't like it; it's not something you teach your kids to do. These are grown men playing a young man's game."
- And you're an old man coaching a young man's game - 5/20

"I saw them talking. It'd be tough for me to talk to somebody after they clocked me like that. Perhaps they did. I wouldn't have been in a conversational mood."
- Maybe you should get clocked more often then - 5/21

"The best way to get out of this is basically to pitch your way out of it. We need success of deep, deep games [by the starting pitcher]. You fall behind early and it ties your hands as to what you can do offensively, especially if you don't have a bunch of three-run homer guys. The main thing we have to do is pitch better, take our walks when they give them to us and stay out of double plays. We've got to cut these walks down. Look at the stats here and we've got a ton of walks. That equals a lot of runs."
- Does any team have "a bunch of three-run homer guys"? - 5/23

"That's my job. During tough times, you've got to be tough. I don't allow any finger pointing. If you're pointing your fingers, there's a good chance you should be pointing at yourself, too."
- Dusty has a "Chicken Soup for the Soul" moment - 5/26

"Reports are that he knows how to pitch. He has three real good pitches that he can control. The whole thing is, can he transfer that to the big leagues with the same relaxed mode that he showed us and pitch the same way he did down there?"
- The answer regarding Jae Kuk Ryu? No - 5/27

"I drive around town, going home, walk around town, and I see people with Cub hats on and Cub T-shirts on. I feel terrible. I feel like we're letting them down. I know our guys are busting their butts. You feel badly not only for the people here in Chicago, but we're kind of like a world team. We're broadcast all over the country. I get letters from all over the world about the Cubs. I really appreciate them, and I've come to enjoy coming to a packed house every day. All in all, they've been very supportive. I don't blame them for being upset and disgruntled, because I probably would be if I was a fan, too. We really appreciate their belief and support. People tell me we still have a chance. This is what I believe. I always believe that. I believe that in the bottom of my heart. I'd love to come back, all the way back, and give the whole town and world an injection of faith."
- Some people want to give you an injection too, of the lethal variety - 5/28

"It's tough. You have to get a lot of hits. That ball was jumping [on Sunday]. I wanted to suit up."
- If you do, we could use you at second base - 5/29

"I like football players as baseball players. They tend to be tougher. I've always said the kids I like to play baseball are football players, basketball players and wrestlers, and water polo guys because they know what hard work and training is all about. I'm not taking anything away from baseball, but you can do sprints and think you had a pretty good workout. I remember those wrestlers, they'd run around the gym when I was playing basketball. I like those mentality guys, to tell you the truth."
- Alright, that's just fucking insane - 6/06

"That's probably the things I hate worst in baseball -- shutouts, walks and errors. When you get shut out, it means you didn't have a chance to win. I don't like shutouts."
- Baker channelling the voice of Yogi Berra - 6/08

"I put Tony at top because Juan's had trouble getting on base. Juan's a leadoff man and Tony's a leadoff man, too, and it's kind of a double leadoff man."
- Wow. Just, wow. - 6/09

Game 62 Recap : Cubs 9, Reds 3

2006-06-12T09:02:00.000-04:00

W - Carlos Marmol [1-0]
L - Eric Milton [4-3]

After Wood hit the DL and missed his start on the sabbath, Carlos Marmol stepped in from AA-West Tennessee to pitch a superb game, throwing 6 innings of 2-hit, 1-run baseball to help the Cubs overcome a stubborn Reds team.

The game went scoreless into the 5th inning, when Cedeno and Neifi drove in a couple of runs in a game dominated by the long ball -- 9 of the 12 runs in the game came off home runs. Cedeno, Nevin, and Perez all went deep for the Cubbies en route to victory.

It's happening again....

2006-06-08T12:42:00.000-04:00

[Arroyo [8-2] beat the Cubs for the third time this season, giving up five hits, including Tony Womack's first homer, in seven innings. The lanky, long-haired pitcher has yet to lose at Great American Ball Park, where he's 4-0 in six starts....Chicago's Glendon Rusch [2-6] had a breakthrough of sorts. Heading into the game, the left-hander had already faced Arroyo twice this season and lost both times. Worse, Arroyo had homered off of him in both games.Rusch struck out Arroyo twice on Thursday, ending that part of their head-to-head domination. But Rusch fell to 0-3 in their matchups because he couldn't handle the guys who batted right before him. ]

Do You Remember
When We Fell In Love
We Were Young
And Had Control Problems Then
Do You Remember
How It All Began
My Wins Just Seemed Like heaven
So Why Did It End?

Do You Remember
Back In April
We were Together
All Day Long
Do You Remember
Us Pitching
At Each Other's Teams
We'd Stare
[Tell Me]

Do You Remember The Time
When We Fell In Love
Do You Remember The Time
When We First Met

Do You Remember
Back In The Spring
Every Morning Adam Dunn Would Sing
Do You Remember
Those Special Times
They'll Just Go On And On
In The Back Of My Mind

Remember The Times
Ooh
Remember The Times
Do You Remember Glendon
Remember The Times
On The Phone You And Me
Remember The Times
Till Dawn, Two Or Three
What About Us Glendon

Remember This?

2006-06-08T10:01:00.000-04:00

Rusch vs. Arroyo

Wouldn't surprise me if today has a similar outcome. That is all.

The Houston Astros: Worse Than the Cubs?

2006-06-06T00:10:00.000-04:00

Zambrano to Dusty after being pulled in the 8th.

We've been pretty quiet over the last week or so (who wants to write about loss after loss?) but the cubs haven't. They've won three out of the last four and dominated the 'stros in the series opener tonight. Let me re-phrase: Z completely dominated the 'stros. Z had a career night. Not only was he six batters from a no-no but he had four RBI's. Yes, four: a three run bomb to right center in the second then a sac fly in the fourth. Good Stuff Los.

Other highlights tonight included Barrett and Jones (now batting .310, how the hell did that happen?) homering, Cedeno extending his hit streak to 10 and JP hitting the ball out of the infield.

As for the Astros, I'm not sure what's going on there. I guess they're waiting for Clemens, trying to repeat last year's late season run or both. Whatever they're doing, if they keep it up, tomorrow night could be a good confidence builder for Wood.

The Cubbies have nine more straight against division opponents. If they're gonna pick a stretch to their shit together, this is a good time. Nevin and Womack have already exceeded my expectations and hopefully they can keep it up. We now have four players batting above .300 and are consistently out hitting our opponents.

I know it's extremely wishful thinking but if we can win our next few series (maybe sweep the reds? now I'm dreaming...), .500 would be within reach for DLee's return. What the hell am I talking about...I'm sure we'll still be 10 under 500 by the time Detroit rolls into town.

Deep down, I am a small child

2006-06-01T09:08:00.000-04:00

I love YouTube sometimes. Especially now. Because I am such a child.

Check this out:

2006-05-28T18:15:00.000-04:00

HR: E Renteria 2 (5, 1st inning off J Ryu 0 on, 1 Out; 6th inning off G Rusch 0 on, 0 Out); A Laroche 2 (8, 2nd inning off J Ryu 0 on, 0 Out; 6th inning off R Novoa 0 on, 1 Out); R Langerhans (4, 2nd inning off J Ryu 0 on, 1 Out); M Giles (2, 2nd inning off J Ryu 2 on, 1 Out); A Jones (12, 6th inning off G Rusch 0 on, 1 Out); B Pena (1, 7th inning off R Novoa 0 on, 0 Out)
RBI: E Renteria 3 (21), A LaRoche 2 (29), R Langerhans 2 (16), M Giles 4 (14), A Jones (47), B Pena (1)

8 HR's. I was right, Ryu did in fact get rocked.

Two quotes.

2006-05-27T23:58:00.000-04:00

The cubs dropped their 5th in a row today. No point in breaking it down. The Cubs managed 10 hits but only one run. What to say at this point...I don't have many words but I do have a couple of quotes.

The first is from T-Walk: "Fire the nine guys who have been out there stinking it up for three weeks. Fire me." Be careful what you wish for...weren't you almost canned in the off-season? Walker sounds ridiculously frustrated. I could easily see Hendry making this happen.

The second from our wise, learned, sage-like Dusty: "Reports are that he knows how to pitch." To quote the Sarce, "Ho-lee-shit." Did he really say that? This was in reference to JK Ryu starting tomorrow against the Braves.

You know, it takes a lot for something that comes out of Dusty's mouth to surprise me. Now I know Dusty doesn't buy into "statistics" or "analysis" but I thought he might be watching his players play the game. I guess not. I see two possible explanations for this quote: Dusty's imitating some shady informant-like character he saw in a recent thriller OR or he's LITERALLY phoning it in at this point. Either way, Ryu will likely get rocked tomorrow as ATL sweeps.

Liveblogging the disappearance of integrity [both ESPN's and my own]

2006-05-26T10:01:00.000-04:00

I can't talk about the Cubs right now, because for obvious reasons, any such discussion would entail the rapid, repeated collision of my head against some sort of brick edifice. Instead, I felt compelled [as I seem to have an affinity for trainwrecks] to watch the entire gluttonous cross-promotional orgy that was today's Mike & Mike in the Morning, on which someone actually got married.

Golic & Greenberg : Life-partners in crime.

I cannot even believe the concept of that, let alone the fact that The Worldwide Leader in ~~Sports~~ Flooding the Media Market finally seized their opportunity to erode the last piece of sacred ground that stood between them and non-ESPN culture. I daresay athlete cooking shows are right around the corner. I mean come on, watching Gary Sheffield put together a lemon souffle might not be so bad.

Without further adieu, my descent into incoherence, hastily chopped from IM, with pertinent additions from my good friend The Pope.
DISCLAIMER: This is why working at home is bad for you.

(9:06:51 AM): i'm seriously watching the live wedding on ESPN the dos
(9:07:02 AM): i feel so sad for the bride & groom
(9:07:11 AM): it looks like the shittiest wedding ever so far
(9:07:17 AM): and having the gin blossoms?!?!?!?
(9:07:26 AM): not the good-era gin blossoms, but the 2006 gin blossoms

Yeahhhh, rock and roll!?!?!?! Ahem.

(9:08:13 AM): of course trey wingo is involved, that jerkoff
(9:08:52 AM): it's seriously being held in the NFL live studio, right in front of their giant ESPN screen
(9:09:13 AM): everyone sitting on plastic foldout chairs on the football field thing they have when sean salisbury is telling you how to be a bad QB
The Pope (9:09:27 AM): wow... i cant even believe this
(9:10:12 AM): they're cooking 1100 hamburgers on a grill in the parking lot at 9.10 am in the morning
The Pope (9:10:34 AM): i dont even know where to start
The Pope (9:10:38 AM): why get married on espn?
(9:10:40 AM): and they keep saying "this is the craziest most unique thing in the history of the worldwide leader in sports", like that exact phrase
The Pope (9:10:42 AM): why get married so early?
The Pope (9:10:54 AM): why do they need so many burgers?
(9:10:56 AM): because john kruk skipped breakfast?

(9:10:57 AM): WOW
(9:11:00 AM): check this
(9:11:08 AM): they have video "best wishes" shit from athletes
(9:11:09 AM): so far:
(9:11:26 AM): eli manning, daunte culpepper, dale earnhardt jr, urban meyer, chipper jones
(9:11:31 AM): what a lineup
(9:11:47 AM): their wedding is gonna be at 9.45
(9:12:00 AM): "they're back and they're better than ever, ladies and gentlemen, the gin blossoms"
(9:12:13 AM): ooo it's an unplugged ballad, go figure
The Pope (9:12:52 AM): gin blossoms could ONLY be better
(9:13:00 AM): hahahaha
(9:13:12 AM): time heals all wounds, like the ones to our eardrums back in 1994?
(9:14:13 AM): fuck, i just realized they're playing that one big song they had that i hated first time around
(9:14:38 AM): you can tell several band members obviously have day jobs, considering they're on some obscure-ass record label subsidiary by now
(9:14:47 AM): mandolin solo! jamming it out!
(9:18:02 AM): i think mike golic is gonna be the priest for the ceremony
(9:18:07 AM): now THAT i would sign up for
(9:19:17 AM): they're even calling it "marriage madness"
(9:19:47 AM): and trey wingo wants to know how the groom "feels" right now
The Pope (9:19:52 AM): of course they are
(9:20:10 AM): wow
(9:20:19 AM): they have the florida gator dressed in a tux
(9:20:37 AM): the bride is standing by the staff elevators waiting to walk the aisle, i mean, corridor
(9:20:49 AM): and it's the bride's birthday today?? weird.
(9:21:04 AM): "a lot of guys would think this to be the ultimate wedding"
(9:21:14 AM): yeah, sounds like a fucken dream
(9:21:35 AM): maybe hootie and the blowfish could play my ESPN wedding while i stand next to peter gammons
(9:21:40 AM): oh, i can dream

Better than actually flipping the burgers, right?

(9:22:34 AM): aww and now an email message from billy donovan
(9:22:40 AM): email
(9:22:48 AM): the dude can't do better than an email
(9:25:30 AM): damn, the bride's mother is fucking hot
(9:25:56 AM): the groom's parents look like dick cheney and madeline albright
(9:26:03 AM): now a video message from lou holtz
(9:26:24 AM): it's hard to make fun of lou holtz
(9:26:30 AM): [....waiting for lou holtz to finish....]
(9:26:57 AM): the groom doesn't have a best man, there's no wedding party
(9:27:26 AM): oh wait there they are
(9:27:34 AM): oh this is fucking stupid
(9:27:51 AM): their son is part of the procession, being accompanied by albert the gator
(9:28:05 AM): and alberta gator is the flower girl
(9:28:13 AM): it has to suck being inside that suit right now
(9:28:42 AM): mike & mike are doing a wedding play-by-play
(9:29:13 AM): stuart scott and the schwab are sitting at the wedding! score!
(9:29:15 AM): booooo yah!

Don't playa hate, but also, if you want to keep being a great QB, don't graduate.

(9:29:56 AM): HAHAHA, danny wuerrfel [their favourite florida player] has a video message, and wuerffel's dad is the priest
(9:29:57 AM): fuck.
(9:30:32 AM): now that's synergy.
(9:32:16 AM): seriously though, they are a sweet couple, which helps
(9:35:08 AM): several sportscenter anchors had to sit through that
(9:35:12 AM): couldn't see everett though
(9:37:54 AM): interviewing the gin blossoms 101, by trey wingo
(9:38:01 AM): "what's it like to play a wedding on ESPN?"
(9:43:22 AM): dick vitale has a wedding message, baby

Who wouldn't want 4 or 5 of these little guys running around? Fact: your grandparents would love that.

(9:51:23 AM): their honeymoon is a VIP trip to the indy 500, a trip to the ESPYs and a trip to some golf tournament in scottdale
(9:51:37 AM): plus they get 20 grand, ESPN mobile phones and an X-Box 360
(9:51:48 AM): oh, and a gallon of buster olney's semen
The Pope (9:53:00 AM): what a way to start off your family right
(9:53:09 AM): seriously
(9:53:34 AM): oh, not to mention that their honeymoon and gifts from ESPN sound like the shit you'd give to a spoiled teenager.... ESPN really keeping it classy
(9:55:57 AM): ahh, now that it's over, i can really begin my weekend

Pathetic

2006-05-23T23:55:00.000-04:00

Holy Shit....still can't believe that happened. I got on with the intention of making an actual post, but then realized the Cubs absolutely blow and I'm tired, so fuck it. Losing to the Marlins in the 9th has to be a new low. I'm starting to believe there's not one person on this team with any heart or a shred of dignity. You make your breaks and anyone with any self respect would not be letting these things happen. RIP 2006 season, you are a bastard!!!

One More L ... Who's Still Counting?

2006-05-22T22:03:00.000-04:00

Speculation has been swirling as to whether or not Barrett's fiasco provided the spark that the Cubs needed to get their act together. The answer came tonight and was a definitive, resounding NO.

The Cubs opened a stint in Florida tonight. Before this series, anyone with a shred of optimism left could have made a case that we could sweep the fish. After all, the Marlins are one of the worst teams in MLB sitting at the bottom of the NL East. Unfortunately, our pathetic team couldn't manage to even make a game out of this much less win. Final score was 9-1 and former cub prospect Nolasco owned us tonight going seven innings and allowing only four hits. Oh, he also went 2-3 at the plate driving in two.

Marshall finally pitching like the rookie he is.

Rather than recount how the Marlins punished Cubs' pitching all night, I'm just going to touch on a couple of things.

One: Why the hell is Murton batting in the bottom third of the order? He's one of the few Cubbies doing anything with the bat and he's still at the bottom (JT and I discussed this briefly).

Two: The Marlins fans, unlike Pittsburgh fans, should be respected. Pierre hit a double in the sixth and received an ovation. Ramirez was traded from Pittsburgh THREE years ago and still gets booed there. Yet another reason to hate the city of Pittsburgh and their fans.

Three: Why was Murton swapped out for Bynum? I guess Dusty likes to switch up who he screws over with the double switch.

Four: Marshall had his shortest outing of his career going just over three innings and giving up seven earned runs. It was bound to happen sooner or later. He's been amazing so far this year so I guess it was just a matter of time until he started acting like a typical 2006 Cubs starting pitcher.

Five: Ramirez hit another HR tonight (that's three in two games). Not sure how he's doing it but I'm sure it won't last.

If I sound deflated, I am. This team is terrible. Can the Cubs lose 100 this year?

One final thing: Joe Girardi should be Dusty's replacement.

Final Thoughts

2006-05-22T11:57:00.000-04:00

Well, my comments in the previous post got too long, so I've made a new post here about it. Any additional comments, rebuttal, etc are welcome. Also, feel free to note, comment on, or point at the sky regarding our new Cub of the Week, in the right margin of this page.

Regarding Barrett's "FU hit" (the triple in yesterdays game):
It was definitely money... but Pierzynski had his own little FU hit, too...

I kind of liked Pierzynski before that play, but not anymore. I think we all agree that Barrett was out of line, but I think it is part of being a Cubs fan. It's as if Barrett was my kid out there playing ball and since he got in a fight with someone else I am immediately biased, and I immediately went from being a Pierzynski fan to hating him. Watching his smug effing attitude and his "I'm so hardcore for the good of the team" look on his his face as he pumped at the crowd and returned to the dugout after the brawl made me want to reach into the screen and grab his big fat head and clock him again.

Not to mention his mocking of Zambrano when he scored the next day. Going through the whole motion and pointing at the sky like Zambrano... that gets a big Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, in the words of TheHawk. Again, he might not have been mocking anyone, but after his shenanigans from the day before he no longer gets the benefit of the doubt.

All-in-all, this is the most pumped up I've been about the Cubs since Lee got hurt, so if the clubhouse feels the same way about things (the players IN the clubhouse, not the clubhouse itself, you poopheads), then eff it, let's go win some ballgames.

And if the clubhouse returns to its normal stagnant "we can't play baseball and don't care" attitude, then eff the White Sox just the same.

FISTICUFFS!

2006-05-20T16:04:00.000-04:00

The one solid hit the cubs had today.

The only memorable moment of today's game came after Pierzynski plowed into Barrett in the second. Pierzynski, being the cocky asshole he is, got in Barrett's face after scoring on a sac fly. Barrett didn't back down and gave Pierzynski a a nice little right hook. The benches and pens then cleared for a brief brawl. Once the dust settled, 4 players were ejected: Barrett, Mabry, Pierzynski and Anderson.

Barrett will probably be gone for 5-10 games but does it really matter? The cubs are in such a slide I don' think losing one more player isn't going to hurt anything.

Final score today was 7-0. Hill was horrible. He pitched through 4 innings, gave up all 7 earned runs and walked 5. Santo, in typical mr. obvious fashion, said it best after the game: "Rich Hill is not ready to be in the big leagues." Couldn't agree more. Who replaces him? No idea... It's similar to the Dusty situation, he needs to go but who's the replacement? No clue.

Striking fear in the hearts of many

2006-05-19T15:44:00.000-04:00

CHICAGO CUBS @ CHICAGO WHITE SOX, 4.05pm ET
-----
CHICAGO CUBS [17-23, Road 7-13]
-
Traded Three Decent Pitchers For Him, CF [.229]
Follicles of Legend, RF [.266]
Stubble = base hits?, 1B [.294]
Lazy Bastard Not Behind The Plate, DH [.299]
Fat Head, 3B [.218]
The Human Torch, LF [.278]
Pride of Venezuela, SS [.282]
The return of Paul Bako?, C [.062]
He Who Cannot Bunt, 2B [.197]
-----
CHICAGO WHITE SOX [26-14, Home 14-5]
-
Fast Asshole, LF [.295]
Japanese Asshole, 2B [.295]
Lazy Asshole, DH [.292]
Goateed Asshole, 1B [.315]
World Series MVP Asshole, RF [.317]
Fat Cheating Asshole, C [.339]
Nondescript Asshole, 3B [.307]
Utility Asshole, CF [.243]
Platooning Asshole, SS [.267]
-----
CHC - RHP Greg Maddux, P [5-2, 3.10 ERA]
CHW - LHP Mark Buehrle, P [4-2, 3.42 ERA]

Can anyone spot any differences between these two teams? Win-Loss records aside, the White Sox have 4 everyday players hitting over .300, and several more just short of that mark in the .290s. On the other hand, our club has quite a few "key" players batting close to the Mendoza Line. Add to that the chameleon-like figure of Maddux on the mound [which Greg will we get? The GM who started 5-0, or the GM who got shellacked by the Giants?] going against that burly Buehrle character, and we could well be in for another long afternoon.

What further irks me is Selig's regional "rivalry" organization for interleague play, whereby we get 6 games against baseball's champions while the Cardinals can sleepwalk through a sextet with the AA-Kansas City Royals.

One thing that does make me marginally happy is the common sense with which today's lineup was constructed. I won't get to say that very often, but today it's true, as Jock rides the pine thanks to his 1-for-27 career numbers against Mark Buehrle. Crazy as it sounds, but it really wouldn't have surprised me if his grinning, basepads-inept face greeted me in right field today, but I'll thank G-d for small blessings.

Let's go Cubbies, although if us winning 3 or more games this season against the White Sox ends up being a defining factor in Dusty Baker getting a contract extension, my enthusiasm will dampen, and the creation of my time machine will commence. In the meantime, grab a beer and let's watch a weekend series at the Cell.

Sigh.

2006-05-19T01:29:00.000-04:00

Motherfucker. Goddamn it.

Return of the Deadeye

2006-05-18T10:34:00.000-04:00

So this is it, people. After a day of rest, the Cubs put up two CONSECUTIVE wins against one of the only weaker teams in the National League. With Zambrano and Marshall guiding us through two consecutive shut-outs [4-0 and 5-0], we are ready to welcome the organization's black sheep back into the fold : Kerry Wood.

Sure, we've all heard the stories emanating from Class-A Peoria, where Wood struck out 12 in his rehab outing, not to mention the loud chatter from Wood and Rothschild about how his arm, his mechanics and his mindset. But those tales are meaningless now, for he is to take the biggest, loudest, most difficult stage this afternoon.

I am full of mixed emotions as the hours count down to this epoch-defining event, the kind of frozen moment that could decide the future fortunes of several individuals within the Cubs franchise, the kind of dust-clearing image that will burn into my mind on mlb.tv in approximately 4 hours time. His success could well ensure the continued tenure of a certain D. Baker in the dugout, while his failure could put further pressure on what already promises to be an incredibly tense negotiation period.

For good or for bad, it promises to be something. Will that arm hold firm against the vagaries and strain of innings he has to chew through? Or, in yet another cruel chapter in Wood's legacy, will it buckle and snap once more, surely signifying the end of his major league career?

Find a way to watch this game, if you can. I don't give a fuck about our lineup [for once], for the only name that matters on that scoresheet will be the man in the 9-spot on the Cubs' side - Kerry Wood.

[Note: if something bad does happen this afternoon, be forewarned. I will be out for blood.]

Dear Diary

2006-05-16T18:45:00.000-04:00

Dear Diary,

I just don't know where to turn lately, dudes. Our fans are turning their backs, which drives me crazy. We sell out all the time, so somebody's gotta be coming to these games. That's just common sense.

The young kid Pierce is having trouble at the top of the order. He's pretty new to the league, so he has that thing young people have, you know, impatience. When I was hitting behind the great Henry Aaron, I was nervous at the plate too! I'd swing at anything that came near me, and boy did that make him mad. Pierson needs to calm down, get control of that energy. He's gotta a lot to learn, dudes, but here's hoping he picks it up soon.

Neifi's trying real hard in practice, with all that experience he has, and boy, soon it's gonna be a dogfight for that leadoff spot. Neifi's been around for a long time, and played for so many teams. You can tell he wants it, and pretty soon if John Pearce doesn't get hot, I might have to give it to him on desire alone! Being a manager is tough!

When we don't win, it gets tough to step in front of them in the clubhouse with a smile on my face. The one thing I've learned in this league is to always be positive. When I fish, I keep my eyes open and my heart full of love for that lake, because you never know when you're gonna hook a prize-winning fish. And that's the truth - one time I was stuck in such a hitless streak, it was driving me crazy. But I got out on the field and found out that my swing was a lot like the way I cast my line. Those hits started coming, and I even caught a snapper!

I wish I knew what to do with our pitching. Our starting dudes never seem to make it past the 5th inning. When they walk batters, it's hard to win because you give out so many free passes. A free pass is like a quarter of a run, and pretty soon, that guy's gonna cross home plate without earning it! In baseball, everything you get has to be earned, and our young guys gotta learn that. I never got anything for free, because I worked hard every day. Juan Peter and Matt Marsden could learn a thing or two if they were here with me right now although that would be weird as I'm in bed. The only guy who gets to be in my bed is me! Well, sometimes the dog too.

Okay dudes, I gotta go. Our big game with the Expos is starting soon and I need to work on this lineup. Tonight I might try Jerry Harden at the top of the order, although Jock is swinging a smoking stick lately. Either way, I need to make sure I have it set before the ump yells at me for being slow. In the league, slow's gotta go!

Love,

Dusty Baker.

A spot of baseball tonight?

2006-05-16T18:31:00.000-04:00

NATIONALS @ CUBS, 8.05pm ET
-----
WASHINGTON NATIONALS [13-25, Road 10-15]
-
Alfonso Soriano, LF [.285]
Jose Vidro, 2B [.338]
Nick Johnson, 1B [.312]
Jose Guillen, RF [.227]
Ryan Church, CF [.250]
Ryan Zimmerman, 3B [.266]
Wiki Gonzalez, C [.444]
Royce Clayton, SS [.250]
Livan Hernandez, P [.300]
---
CHICAGO CUBS [15-22, Home 8-9]
-
Allergic to the bases, CF [.225]
Fire Scalp, LF [.278]
In stubble we trust, 2B [.284]
Awful at the plate, worse behind it, C [.281]
Never met a meal he didn't like, 3B [.214]
A free agent steal!, RF [.265]
"He's a real grinder", 1B [.217]
Young, dumb and full of OBP, SS [.288]
Latin Heat, P [.067]
---
WAS : RHP Livan Hernandez [1-4, 6.52 ERA]
CHC : RHP Carlos Zambrano [1-2, 3.88 ERA]

Two struggling greats on the hill tonight as we welcome one of the few teams with a worse record than us, and anything could happen. I don't think we can play much worse than we are at the moment, although even that could be proved wrong.

Livan is awful this season in the first inning, so starting quickly is paramount, and his slow pitching delivery leaves him vulnerable to a boatload of stolen bases. Are you listening Juan? Matt? Ronny? Blanco?

Here's hoping that our first rest day in 17 games has given us enough energy to lend El Toro some run support.

This Week in Dusty [on time!] : 5-10 to 5-16

2006-05-16T13:28:00.000-04:00

Hey dude, so.....can you pitch? We could use a guy like you who knows the strike zone.

"What we need is another bat until we get D-Lee back. Everybody's trying to get bats, but at this point they want you to give up half your Minor Leagues for a borrowed person."
- Hey, don't call John Mabry a "borrowed person" - 5/11

"He made some great plays and those are things that don't show up in the box score but show up in the win column. You know he's a grinder and those are the kind of guys you like to have around."
- Now that's a lot nicer, except I prefer plays that do show up in the box score, like runs - 5/11

"I remember Eddie Mathews turned over a food spread once. What good does that do? It gets your blood pressure up so you can have a heart attack? Eddie turned it over one time and the hot dogs [spilled]. We thought it was ridiculous and we washed the hot dogs off and ate them"
- Man, Dusty's a trooper. Nothing gets between him and his Hebrew Nationals - 5/11

"If you let the game dictate your anger and moods, how are you supposed to keep everybody out there constant and consistent? That's my job. At the same time, if this game controls your moods up and down -- during these eight games if I was a drinking man, I'd be an alcoholic. What does that do for your health? My job is to figure out a way out of this."
- Right.... so are you doing your job? - 5/11

"I don't have any problem firing myself up or the team up. You just don't look fired up when you're getting beat. I'm an emotional person. Under fire, I've always been the way I am. When things get real tough, I tend to hold more things inside, and maybe that's why I've been on hypertension medicine since I was 19-years-old. You've got to take care of your own health, too. I show emotion, big time."
- Dusty aims at the world record for most contradictions in a single soundbite - 5/13

"Unless you have a mega-team, you're going to miss the guy. What did Barry Bonds' absence last year mean to the Giants? What would Albert Pujols' absence do to the Cardinals?"
- Dusty brings up a good point about missing Derrek Lee, but I bet those teams wouldn't go 2-12 in May. I mean, we're the only MLB team built around one good player, aren't we? - 5/13

"It's great to see him in the locker room. He's a big part of this club. It feels good for all of us, but especially him."
- Dusty on Kerry Wood - 5/14

A touch of anger

2006-05-15T14:18:00.000-04:00

For those of us not convinced that our management and front office has been mishandling our payroll, prospects and resources while trying to build this team, check out this interesting chart created by a man named Ben Fry. Using the simple comparison of salary vs. performance, it's pretty obvious that we're not getting our money's worth [Chicago Cubs : 25th best record in MLB, 7th highest payroll].

It's especially embarrassing when you consider that teams like Cincinnati [5th best record, 23rd highest payroll] and even St. Louis [3rd best record, 14th highest payroll] are crushing us in the NL Central right now. Sigh.

Speaking of Bill Murray...

2006-05-14T23:52:00.000-04:00

... I think I've reached a new peak in meta-blogging. Before I begin this cut-and-paste odyssey, if any of you have seen this before, I apologize. It's late, I'm becoming repetitive in my sour anti-Cubs remarks of late, and I felt like some possibly more invigorating content.

I wrote this and posted this on my other blog, the music site Feed Me Good Tunes [original post here], so please, I'm not stealing as it's already mine. Also, any suggestions for a manager would be much appreciated. Without further ado...

[Idea borrowed from Rick Paulas on McSweeneys.net. Sorry Rick, I figured I'd try it out for size.]

ESSENTIAL CHOICES REGARDING A BASEBALL ROSTER COMPOSED ENTIRELY OF FICTIONAL CHARACTERS PLAYED BY BILL MURRAY

BATTING LINEUP
-----
1, Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, SS, Where the Buffalo Roam
Experimenting with drugs is kinda like experimenting with the lead-off spot. It's dangerous, it doesn't last long, and you'll be seeing vultures overhead before long. I'll take his snappy impatience, batting mood swings, and his overwhelming speed. I'll also take his quaaludes, his coke, and methamphetamines still left in the trunk of the Cadillac. Maybe those will help me deal with his high strikeout totals and propensity for tearing off his clothes and trying to eat the face of the opposing pitcher during each at-bat.

2, Wallace Ritchie, 2B, The Man who Knew too Little
Sure, he may have a few flaws, ignorance, bemusement and idiocy being just three. However, there's precious little room elsewhere, so let's stick him in with the major leaguers and see if anyone notices.

3, Herman Blume, LF, Rushmore
Cold, ruthless, arrogant: it's as if Barry Bonds had never left. Let the fireworks fly from the 3-spot, as Blume makes light work of the RBI chances and any opportunities to fuck the ump's girlfriend.

4, Grimm, CF, Quick Change
No-one took this guy seriously, not even when he was robbing banks with Geena Davis. However, what he lacks in aesthetics, he makes up for in sheer power, comic relief, and doubles off the left-field wall. But beware: if you ask him for a balloon, he will shoot you.

5, Polonius, 1B, Hamlet
The ideal place to stick an aging, neurotic first-baseman. It worked for Richie Sexson, it worked for Lyle Overbay, it worked for Jim Thome, Jason Giambi, Ryan Klesko and Tony Clark. Wait, not Clark. Definitely not Clark. But with Polonius, you'll be sure to get snippets of wisdom commingled with trips to the opposite field.

6, Bob Harris, 3B, Lost in Translation
He's publicly suave but privately struggling, old, listless, spiritually unsatisfied. Occasionally finds success with the bat, but mostly in the team for lack of anyone else to use. Mike Lowell's new best friend in a baseball uniform.

7, Francis Xavier Cross, C, Scrooged
A little behind the times [still thinks Larkin patrols his infield], but has the ruthlessness and propensity to throw out base-runners in a bloodbath of Christmas glory. Knows when to steal, and when to save. Solid at the plate, although it will catch up to him.

8, Raleigh St. Clair, RF, The Royal Tenenbaums
Baseball's equivalent of Phil Jackson: winsome, bearded, sensitive and calm. Calculating and observant, this light bat rarely misses a fly-ball, and has a flair for the detached feel of the bottom of the order.

PITCHING STAFF
-----
Carl Spackler, SP, Caddyshack
Drunk, loud, dirty -- this man makes David Wells look like Curt Schilling. His passion will win him games, his odor will win him even more. Always had an eye for the spotlight, the big game, and a pair of beer-soaked galoshes. Meeting with the Dalai Lama only serves to further his enigmatic status as the jewel of the rotation.

Steve Zissou, SP, The Life Aquatic
A more understated version of the great Spackler, Zissou is still full of the ego that greeted his first trip to a major league mound. He is not, however, still full of the young muscles and land-bound mentality that makes good pitchers great. Occasionally wanders through self-reflective territory, but his hunger for attention will pull the squad through 6 innings of scurvy-soused theatrics.

Bob Wiley, SP, What about Bob?
Throw out the textbook, Peter Gammons. One look at this wackadoo and you'd think of Therapy Tim Worrell. However, look past his infuriating persistency and bullish blend of narcissism and manipulation and you'll find an excellent pitcher: part-Hideo Nomo, part-Mark Prior, part-Denver the last Dinosaur, Bob will paint the corners with his screwball and change-ups that'll have you sprinting for the hills.

Dr. Peter Venkman, RP, Ghostbusters
Unhinged, passionate, charismatic: look out J.C. Romero, step aside Tom Gordon, leave us alone Scot Shields. His unique breed of insanity and jumpsuit puts batters in their place: the New York Public Library.

Phil Connors, CP, Groundhog Day
The ability to adapt and repeat, repeat, repeat leaves the 9th inning firmly in Team Murray's sights. Steady with the ball, kills the lineup with consistency. His location might not be stellar yet, but he can out-patience anyone at the plate.

Cubs Lose 9-0 and I give you 9 Celebrity Cubs Fans

2006-05-14T18:30:00.000-04:00

Rather than talk about the shit show that was today's game I'm just going to list some famous people who like to associate themselves with the Cubs. I've picked nine, one for each run the friars put on the board today:

John Cusack -- Diehard cubbie fan even though he tried to see the Sox (and was dissed) last year. Is it a coincidence that he alwasy looks stressed/strung out and he's a cub fan? I don't think so.

Bill Murray -- Venkman, Raleigh St. Clair, Ernie McCraken, Phil Connors, Carl Spackler, Steve Zissou...the list goes on. Personally, my favorite celebrity cubs fan. He recently made news when playfully assaulting "for-mer cub-bie" Mark Bellhorn in the San Diego clubhouse. I'm gonna go watch The Man Who Knew Too Little now...

Eddie Vedder -- Had no idea until about six innings into today's mess that he wasn't from Seattle. Oh well, good one for the list.

Dennis Franz -- Sipowicz! Come on, it's Sipowicz!! Maybe he should get back in character and make an appearance in the club house to try to add a spark to our lifeless club. Short sleeves, a tie and that classic Sipowicz "WTF are you looking at" glare:

Steve Bartman -- Most on this list are famous for things outside of Wrigley. Not Bart-man. No need to re-count his heart-wrenching claim to fame.

Billy Corgan -- Another 'grunge' rocker. Unlike Vedder, he's been off the radar this century.

Jeff Garlin -- The "fat fuck" from Curb Your Enthusiasm. I've seen Garlin make a couple of appearances sporting Cubbie gear including this one in the '78 road jersey:

Jeremy Piven -- Pretentious asshole who's career peaked with PCU but I'll cut him some slack because he's a fan.

Al Capone -- The only deceased member of the list. I tried to dig up the photo of Capone with Hack Wilson but could only come up with this one: Cubbie hall of famer Gabby Hartnett chatting with Capone:

Apparently after this photo was published there was a ban on players speaking with people in the crowd.

Honorable mention:
Vince Vaughn
John Belushi
Pat Sadjak
Gary Sinise
William Petersen
William Sianis
Ronnie "Woo Woo" Wickers

Nice Guys Finish second to last in the NL Central

2006-05-14T13:44:00.000-04:00

PADRES @ CUBS, 2.20pm
-----
SAN DIEGO PADRES [21-16, Road 11-4]
-
Eric Young, LF [.209]
Mike Cameron, CF [.269]
Brian Giles, RF [.276]
Mike Piazza, C [.253]
Khalil Greene, SS [.217]
Vinny Castilla, 3B [.241]
Josh Barfield, 2B [.269]
Adrian Gonzalez, 1B [.230]
Clay Hensley, P [.111]
---
CHICAGO CUBS [15-21, Home 8-8]
-
Baserunning Sprite [if he gets on base], CF [.231]
The Venezuelan, SS [.297]
Grizzly One, 1B [.286]
Please start slugging, 3B [.220]
Jeromy Burnitz v 2.0, RF [.273]
"Breakout season", C [.280]
Stepchild, LF [.286]
Why, Lord, Why, 2B [.210]
Lives and dies by the curveball, P [.000]

Starting Pitchers
SDP : RHP Clay Hensley [1-2, 4.73 ERA]
CHC : LHP Rich Hill [0-2, 9.00 ERA]

Of the three matchups in this series, this should be the one we win. I mean, we should have one yesterday if it wasn't for one off-target pitch to a guy who hasn't had a good season since 2002. That being said, Rich Hill, a young guy who's growing up real quick in the big leagues, has a fondness for leaving that curveball right over the plate, so it's anyone's guess.

As of this morning, we have no players batting over .300, and the Padres' team ERA is a whole run lower than our staff. I have my antacids ready.

The 2006 Chicago Cubs to Date

2006-05-14T09:19:00.000-04:00

BATTING
-----
Catchers
M. Barrett [.280 BA/.352 OBP/.858 OPS, 5 HR, 10 RBI]
H. Blanco [.063/.184/.247, 2 RBI]
-
Infielders
R. Cedeno [.297/.318/.732, 9 RBI, 5 SB]
J. Hairston Jr. [.267/.313/.317, 4 RBI, 3 SB]
N. Perez [.210/.231/.274, 6 RBI]
A. Ramirez [.220/.302/.725, 6 HR, 15 RBI]
R. Theriot [0-3]
T. Walker [.286/.359/.752, 2 HR, 15 RBI]
-
Outfielders
F. Bynum [.188/.212/.525, 2 RBI, 2 SB]
J. Jones [.273/.311/.806, 6 HR, 17 RBI]
J. Mabry [.222/.255/.544, HR, 3 RBI]
M. Murton [.286/.375/.768, 2 HR, 17 RBI, 2 SB]
J. Pierre [.231/.276/.575, 12 SB, 20 R]

PITCHING
-----
Rotation
C. Zambrano [8 GS, 1-2, 3.88 ERA, 1.54 WHIP]
G. Maddux [8 GS, 5-2, 3.10 ERA, 1.11 WHIP]
S. Marshall [7 GS, 2-1, 4.93 ERA, 1.17 WHIP]
R. Hill [2 GS, 0-2, 9.00 ERA, 1.90 WHIP]
-
Bullpen
R. Dempster [0-1, 7 SV, 3.00 ERA, 0.94 WHIP]
S. Eyre [0-0, 3 HLD, 1.89 ERA, 1.21 WHIP]
B. Howry [2-1, 4 HLD, 2.65 ERA, 0.94 WHIP]
R. Novoa [0-0, 3.07 ERA, 1.43 WHIP]
W. Ohman [1-1, 7.20 ERA, 1.53 WHIP]
G. Rusch [5 GS, 1-5, 7.89 ERA, 1.62 WHIP]
J. Ryu [NR]
S. Williamson [2-2, 1 HLD, 3.31 ERA, 1.29 WHIP]

SADLY DEMOTED & DEPARTED
D. Aardsma [RP, 1-0, 10.50 ERA, 2.67 WHIP]
A. Guzman [SP, 4 GS, 0-2, 7.00 ERA, 2.00 WHIP]
M. Restovich [OF, 2-12, RBI, 5 K]
J. Williams [RP, 0-2, 7.30 ERA, 2.11 WHIP]
M. Wuertz [RP, 0-0, 6.75 ERA, 2.25 WHIP]

INJURED
D. Lee [Fractured right wrist, .318, 3 HR, 10 RBI, 5 SB]
A. Pagan [Left hamstring tear, 5-19, RBI]

YET TO PLAY
W. Miller, SP [Recovery from right shoulder surgery]
K. Wood, SP [Recovery from right shoulder arthroscopy]
M. Prior, SP [Right subscapularis strain]

Take me out at the ballgame

2006-05-13T14:20:00.000-04:00

PADRES 4, CUBS 3
---
W - C. Meredith [1-0]
L - R. Dempster [0-1]
S - T. Hoffman [7]

Watching the Cubs right now
is like watching Friday the 13th :
it scares the shit out of you at the time
even though you know the ending.
Only we can throw away these games, and this was the worst one yet.

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to call my therapist.

Hello, Marquis? Marquis Grissom? Just wanted to see how you were, I've got an everyday spot opening up in left field if you're interested, dude.

The Chicago Cubs : Fuzzy Math Edition

2006-05-12T14:18:00.000-04:00

The Cubs make me cuuuuurious Theo!!!!!!!!! I want to explore Dusty's lineups, Ruuuudy!!!!!!

PADRES 10, CUBS 5
----
W - B. Sweeney [2-0]
L - G. Rusch [1-5]

Angel Guzman [87 pitches in 3 IP] +
3 errors in 1 inning [Cedeno, Perez, Murton] +
Mike Piazza [4-5, 2B, 2 RBI] -
"Help" from the Cubs bullpen [6 IP, 11 H, 7 ER, 2 BB, 4 K] =
ANOTHER CUBS LOSS.

Just make sure when you cut, you slice a little bit of the tendon. Anything to get out of this uniform!

2006-05-12T09:30:00.000-04:00

Don't we love farce?
My fault I fear.
The Cubs thought that's what we'd want.
Sorry, my dear.
But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother, they're here.

Isn't it rich?
Isn't it queer,
Losing their skills this early
In the year?
And where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.
Well, maybe next year.

Enter the Hyperbole Dragon

2006-05-11T11:33:00.000-04:00

Jacque Jones, Matt Murton and El Toro = BFF

When it comes to the Cubs and their recent fondness of playing like shit, I have developed the mind of a goldfish. I don't care that we have bad loss after bad loss, I am ambivalent about our crippling injuries, and I am ignorant to the constant pain of slipping into the kind of win-loss territory normally reserved for the Pittsburgh Pirates.

And now, with one seemingly unimportant, late-night victory on the West Coast, I am overjoyed. We can still win the occasional game! The law of averages and probability really does work! Carlos Zambrano can still pitch like the fiery, burrito-gnashing bull that he is! And we can stifle the gigantic head [and ego] of Barry Bonds by rendering him homer-less in the series so far!

It's a glorious thing to watch Pedro Gomez have nothing to talk about. That catch by Pierre two days ago was a sight to behold, because if Bonds had tied the Babe against our Cubs, that may have been the straw to break the camel's back. Granted, we're not out of the woods yet, but to add that to an already massive laundry list of "things that went wrong in 2006" might be a bit much.

But I'll worry about that baloney tonight. For right now, we've started a new streak. A winning streak. A streak of one.

Motherf*cker, I forgot again aka This Week In Dusty, 5/3 to 5/10

2006-05-11T11:04:00.000-04:00

"If we're not scoring runs, and you're not hitting the ball out of the ballpark, you might as well see if we can run."
- You might as well see if we can win too - 5/05

I sense some guys feeling bad about their performances. I don't know if that's called down or not. But it's certainly not the top of the world."
- Miss Dusty, psychic hotline - 5/06

"Guys are squeezing bats so tight and trying to do it all themselves."
- Yeah, I had a girlfriend who said that about me once - 5/06

"Just be yourself. [Do that] no matter whether people like you or not. You're not here to satisfy anybody, really. I'm tough to satisfy. You're not going to satisfy me. I tell them, you have to satisfy God, family and yourself. Those are the three entities you can't fool. You know if you're doing the job."
- You're not going to fool us either - 5/06

"It'd be a big plus to get Woody back. There's a chance we could get him back sharper than when he left. Who knows -- his career could take off. A whole lot of positives could come out of this."
- Christmas could be coming early! - 5/08

"I've been in a position where I was on deck when I saw Hank Aaron hit 714, 715, and a whole bunch of other sevens. Now, I'm in a position where I could be with Barry when he hits 714 and maybe 715. It's ironic. It's ironic to be in this situation in my baseball career and life. There aren't many people who can say that. The only other thing that would be more ironic than this is if I was there when Babe [Ruth] hit his."
- Dusty joins the long, illustrious list of people who don't understand the word irony - 5/09

"There's a lot of speculation and it seems like it's grown and grown and grown, and it's definitely grown a life of its own,"
- Dusty finally breaks the silence on the size of Barry Bonds' head - 5/09

"Barry's a complex guy -- I've said that before. It's neither good or bad. It's complex."
- Figuring out what Dusty means is complex, too - 5/09

"They're seeing how this young man is doing. They're looking for his weaknesses and his kryptonite."
- Dusty on Matt Murton. It's worth mentioning that making sense is Dusty's personal kryptonite - 5/10

"It was good to get that skunk off the boat because it was getting ridiculous."
- Dusty on winning. Can he ever talk without making a fishing reference? - 5/11

For Jacque

2006-05-11T00:20:00.000-04:00

Dear Jacque,

We at Lingering Bursitis have had no problem putting you down this season. After all, you've been horrible at the plate, lazy in the OF and you've insulted the cubbie fan base. But tonight was your night. You went 3-3 at the plate and drove in half of the cubs' runs. For that, we present you with this: the LB super terrific fun basket. Enjoy.

Bottom 5: Some Perspective

2006-05-10T01:45:00.000-04:00

Considering the cubs just dropped their eighth straight tonight, I figured I'd post some of the records of the worst cubs teams of all time. I've limited this to 162 game seasons. Here we go, starting with the depressing all the way down to the suicidal.

5. The 1999 Chicago Cubs. Grace, Sosa (in his prime), Johnson (OK, I'm reaching). No matter, they finished the season 67-95 (.414).

4. The 1974 Chicago Cubs. A bit before my time but what would you expect from a roster with Rick Monday, Pete LaCock and Steve Stone? How about a record of 66 - 96? That's a .414 winning percentage. That sounds about right.

3. The 2000 Chicago Cubs. Another one in recent memory. This was a terrible year for the cubs as a team. They barely stayed above .400 with a 65 - 97 record.

2. The 1980 Chicago Cubs. Bill Buckner was on this roster but wasn't all that famous just yet. Good to see he was consistently a loser. This was one of the few years the cubs didn't top .400: 64 - 98 on the year.

1. We've got a tie for #1: The 1966 and 1962 Chicago Cubs. Both teams went 59 - 103 (.364). I knew Mr. Cub was on some horrible cubs squads but didn't realize he was on both teams that managed to drop 100+ in a season. Lou Brock was also on the '62 team (Jim: you still around? Here's a chance to lament that loss...).

Bonus stat: The 1943 Cubs not only lost 9 in a row in May of that year but also went on to drop 11(!) in a row in September. Can the '06 cubs beat that May streak? Can they beat both streaks?? I guess we'll find out in September if anyone is still paying attention.

Quick Wager

2006-05-09T19:58:00.000-04:00

How much would you be willing to bet that Barry Bonds ties Ruth [or ties Ruth and then hits #715] against our Chicago Cubs?

I'd also be willing to take bets on which pitcher [if any] would cough up a Bonds dinger. This is surely the way BB wants it : he's back in San Francisco, he's got a struggling team in town [with plenty of v. young pitchers]. It seems almost a racing certainty.

My money would be on Scott Williamson as the unlucky recipient of Bonds' 714th HR. And you?

Top 5 Worst Teams in Baseball [aka the "Ouch Papi" All-Stars]

2006-05-09T17:15:00.000-04:00

You can argue a million times as to who are the best and the worst franchises in baseball. Thankfully, I'm not going to argue that much, because this is my list. Make yer own in the comments. Also, no ranting if teams like the Devil Rays don't make this list, because this list is based on the time-honoured tradition of "expectation vs. reality". Teams who were bad to begin with will not make this list. Teams with some desire of success shall populate it all season long.

5. Atlanta Braves [13-18, Home 6-5, Road 6-10]

The perennial pennant winners have hit the skids a little bit this season, getting schooled in their own division a number of times already. Losing two series to the Mets and playing unconvincingly against the Phillies [1-4 vs. PHI in 2006], several big stars are misfiring and their pitching staff is feeling the loss of Leo Mazzone.

While there is still plenty of time [and an 8-game deficit to make up] in the year for Atlanta to be Atlanta, they need a much better output from young superstars like OF Jeff Francoeur [.231, 6 HR, 22 RBI], 2B Marcus Giles [.211, 25 K], and 1B Adam LaRoche [.200, 5 HR, 15 RBI, 32 K]. Better pitching from ace Tim Hudson [2-3, 5.09 ERA] wouldn't hurt either.

4. Minnesota Twins [13-19, 5-12 vs. AL Central]

Even though everyone picked them to finish 3rd in the division, they've always been crafty and scrappy enough to stick around until late in the game. Ruled by excellent pitching and good defense, the star-starved Twins relied heavily on guys like Johan Santana, but even his presence might not be enough this time.

Having been swept by Cleveland, the White Sox AND Detroit already in this short season, they're on the ropes and will continue to be. Boy Wonder 1B Justin Morneau is having a horrendous season thus far [.206, 26 K], and their normally-reliable rotation is equally bedwetting to date [Team ERA : 5.77]. With three veteran starters having ERAs north of 7.50, the Twins are an ugly team to watch. They also employ 3B Tony "He's still playing?" Batista, which can never be a good thing.

3. Seattle Mariners [14-20, Home 8-12, Road 6-8]

To Everett, or not to Everett? That is the question. Having this fire-charged asshole in the dugout will only get uglier as their losing ways continue. Where's Ichiro [.277 BA, .342 OBP]? Without his almost daily multi-hit games, the Ms will keep finding runs hard to come by.

The rotation is shakier than a meth-filled Keith Richards, as young phenom Felix Hernandez struggles [1-4, 5.40 ERA] to live up to the hype, and veterans like Jarrod Washburn [2-5, 3.61 ERA] pitch well but don't get the run support or the magic W.

2. Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, Disneyland, Santa Ana and Fullerton [14-19, Last 10 2-8]

Fuck. After gleefully watching them dispatch the Yankees from another postseason in 2005, I am shocked to watch the worst ineptitude on an area of grass since my IM soccer team in college [Guys, I kid. Agent Orange were the shit! Hoo-Haah!]. They're just plain bad, although having a blown Colon on the DL [man, couldn't resist] will always set you back some. It's not everyday that Cy Young winners and All-Stars can sit on the unable list without it effecting your fortunes [heck, ask my #1 team in just a minute], but man, the Angels still can't get it done.

Vladimir Guerrero is doing his best [.320 BA, 8 HR, 28 RBI], but with a Team BA of .247 and a laughable absence of runners on the basepads [Team OBP : .294], and the lack of a true #1 pitcher in the rotation [Kelvim Escobar will not pitch this well all season : 4-2, 2.78 ERA] all mean heartache and heartbreak for the geographically ambiguous Seraphims.

1. Chicago Cubs [14-17, 7-Game Losing Streak, Last 10 1-9]

Boo hoo hoo, yes, wakka wakka, we all saw this coming, didn't we? A veritable smorgasbord of tasty free agents and contract extensions in the off-season, and what does it all add up to? 3 All-Stars on the DL for a significant period of time [don't give me bullshit about Prior, I reckon he won't be back until after the All-Star break], the most troubling drop-off in run production in recorded history since Derrek Lee went down [we've all seen the gory stats : 1.25 runs per game in our last 8 games], and there's no real sign of any upturn.

When we're collectively doing the rain dance and praying for salvation at the creaky elbow altar of Kerry Wood, armageddon must surely be close at hand. It's fucking laughable - our rotation includes a tired Maddux working his ass off, and three rookies with constant edge-of-your-seat efforts on the mound, not to mention the insanely weak lineup that regularly includes the power and fury of Neifi Perez, Jerry Hairston Jr and Jacque Jones [sometimes all 3 at once!] -- dark days loom large for this Wrigley summer.

The bright spot comes in the form of Murton and Cedeno, both of whom have truly proved that they belong in an everyday major league lineup, but if Aramis Ramirez [.223 BA, 6 HR, 13 RBI] doesn't get his act together, heads like Dusty Baker's might surely roll.

Top 5 San Diego Broadcasters' Quotes

2006-05-09T00:53:00.000-04:00

Hypo suggested this general idea and I like it better than Sarce's idea of looking for a cubs messiah. Here we go:

5. "Do you think Rusch is rushing a bit?" -- Does Sarce work for the Padres?

4. "And the hits just keep a-comin', real hard holdin' back the smiles tonight" -- assholes

3. "Mabry is there to make the Franklin Stubbs-ian like catch!" -- I like obscure references

2. "Greg Maddux's average fastball is 84.3 MPH" -- acceptable when it's got movement, unlike tonight

1. "8-3 is a lot better than 7-3, you never know when an offense is about to break out" -- This was said with a serious tone but I fell out of my chair laughing

Ladies and Gentleman, We Are the Royals

2006-05-09T00:29:00.000-04:00

Not a long post tonight, just thought I'd take a break from my gamecast to point out the obvious. With Maddux stuggling, and by struggle I mean give up 7 runs on 9 hits in 3.5 innings, for the second game in a row it seems we have lost what little we have going for us. It's a sad day in Mudville right now and something needs to be done. The answer my friends, accept the good lord jesus as your saviour.

Ok, maybe not, but as the admirable, but ultimately dimwitted Hawk pointed out, Wood looked good (and I ryhme all the time. So here's a dime, and if the Cubs could win it would be sublime. I just saw a Mime). I know we've done this to ourselves several times over the past few seasons, but maybe Kerry, with some divine intervention has been sent down to save us. We can only hope he can hit as well as pitch, because no one else on the team can. In Kerry we trust, thou must not forsake us.

It's a Sad Day When...

2006-05-08T22:19:00.000-04:00

...I'm hoping Kerry Wood will be the spark the cubbies need to get their act together. This story was posted late on cubs.com yesterday.

Is this what we need?

Here's the first line of the story: "Class A batters were outclassed by Kerry Wood on Sunday night at O'Brien Field." I would effing hope so. Wood, a major league veteran, better be able to "out class" guys in A ball.

I've been somewhat vocal about my thoughts on Wood. If you missed it, here it is again: trade him. With the shit Prior's been pulling this year (sore shoulder, food poisioning, inflammed vag), and the fact that Wood is steadily rehabing, I've been rethinking this position. I'm actually starting to look forward to Wood's return. So there it is, I'm officially flip flopping. Let's just hope I don't have to change my position again when Wood comes back.

Top x! Volume 1.

2006-05-07T18:05:00.000-04:00

Well, I've been tossing some things around in my head, and as I watch the Padres hang another 3 on the Cubs today (a game that TheHawk is at, by the way), it occurs to me that we as Cub fans have a couple choices. This thought process was begun in a phone conversation late last night with JT during the Cubs game, and the culmination has just come to me now, after truly letting Sarce's most recent post sink in.

We need something to do.

Since the Cubs are as abysmal as they seem to be recently, we need some sort of entertainment to keep us going. Sure we'll keep up with the regular posts we usually do with our opinions on the most recent game and the who-did-whats and our Cub of the Week and all, but we need something to replace the one thing we all used to have in common: hope.

Since our collective hope has been removed we are nothing but sniveling old ladies, griping about the kids from two houses down who play ball in the street, because they make so much noise and one day may break one of our windows by accident. Heck, Lazlo hasn't even posted a comment in days, and the silence is deafening. Come back, Lazlo, I have a new activity to replace the common hope we all used to share!

In light of releases such as High Fidelity and The Daily Show (when Craig Kilborne was still hosting), it seems to me that a cultural trend has reared its head in recent years: the trend of Countdowns. Well, without further adieu, I unveil to you... Top x!

That's right, Lingering Bursitis' very own list of the best somethings. They can be anything; anything Cub-related that is. It doesn't even have to be the same number every time, such as Top Five or Top Ten!!! By eliminating something so limiting as a specific integer and ingeniously replacing it with a much more flexible variable x, we can achieve new heights of entertainment! Our new subscription to the same organism that has yielded such sweet fruits as "I Love the 80's" on MTV and "Most Shocking Moments in Celebrity Hair" (or whatever it was called) on the E network will fill our respective rooms with smiles and laughter once again.

And today? We kick off Top x! with Volume 1: Things To Do Until Next Year (or the Cubs are good again)
5) Try-out for a reality TV show. Heck, I've always wanted to...
4) Think of new ways to get guys around the bases to score runs in the sport of baseball. Then we can put our findings in a book, and try to sell the book to the Cubs for lots of money, because the traditional "scoring by way of getting hits" just isn't working for them.
3) Each of us should learn to play at least one position in baseball. If the Cubs keep playing at their current level, there is a good chance that at least one of us will have an opportunity to make the squad at some point in the future. Then we can get the money. Then we get the khakis, then we get the chicks.
2) Learn to craft cute and shiny jewelry. Selling our jewelry at malls and bingo nights around the country, we should be able to save plenty of money so that when the Cubs are good again we can all travel to a couple games and watch them play!
1) Organized "Cub Night" once a week to learn organized cheers with each other. This way when the Cubs are good again and we are spending our book, baseball, or jewelry money at the Cubs games, we will be the most sophisticated and sychronized group of people in the crowd.

Yaaaaaay, I feel so much better!!! Give me some laughs by posting your thoughts and we'll see if they make the Top x!

Statistical Nightmares with Benson!

2006-05-07T11:43:00.000-04:00

- The Cubs are batting .208 in the last 7 days.
- Until Aramis Ramirez hit a home run in the 4th inning last night, the Cubs had gone 26 1/3 innings without scoring a run.
- Aramis Ramirez is batting .152 with runners in scoring position.
- The Cubs are batting .149 with runners in scoring position and 2 outs this season.
- The Cubs have an 9.27 team ERA with runners in scoring position.
- Dating back to May 29 [8 games, Cubs 1-7], the Cubs have left 64 men on base.
- During that same span, the Cubs have surrendered 19 runs with 2 outs.

I Stayed Up Til 3am Watching the Cubs and All I Got Was This Lousy Loss

2006-05-07T03:45:00.000-04:00

Holy Shit.....it's time. I've been holding off on posting an angry, disgruntled blog; but I just stayed up watching the game on TiVo and holy fuck am I pissed off.

I don't even know where to begin. The Cubs are absolutely pathetic right now. Who's to blame you ask?!?!?! Everyone who's name isn't Ronnie Cedeno or Sean Marshall.

Let's go through tonight's order, shall we? Good thing we filled that lead-off hole with Juan Pierre, here sure is hitting up a storm. I mean what team wouldn't want a lead off man who's batting .254 with an on base percentage of .303? You know what Juan, FUCK YOU. Start getting some goddamn hits. The really sad thing is that the bottom of the order keeps getting on base, and then Juan comes up and hits into a double play.

Now the 2 spot. Ronnie, thank you for being a shining star in the black hole that is the Cubs lineup. I think Ronnie was 3 for 5 tonight, or something close to that, with 3 stolen bases. A very solid performance with some well placed hits. Continue my friend, you are an inspiration to us all.

The 3 spot. Hot Rod Todd, who is personally my favorite Cubby, has cooled a little from the beggining of the season but is still performing well. We're going to need a little more but Todd gets off easy because next we have the cleanup spot.

Dusty, you stupid shit!!!!! Why don't you do us all a favor and swallow that fucking toothpick you're always chewing on and die. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY...would you ever put that completely worthless, piece of shit, cocksucking, assfucking (guys' asses of course), moronic, I wish I was french but am actually from California (San Diego in fact) Jacque Jones in the cleanup spot. I don't give a shit if you're trying to put a "spark" in the lineup. It is incredibly clear that Jacque is not it. The piece of shit struck out 4 times tonight. 4 TIMES!!!!!!! Keep in mind he didn't just make an out, the fucker STRUCK OUT.........4 GODDAMN TIMES!!!!! There were people on base, mainly Cedeno, and all we needed was a deep fly ball. Hell, contact with the ball. SOMETHING. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, this is getting long, so I'm going to finish with Aramis. Nice home run tonight, but I can't help feeling that it was more luck than talent because you weren't even looking at the ball when you hit it. Other than that all you did was hit foul pop-ups all game which has become your staple this season. You better get your shit together as you're the one who's supposed to be leading this team. I mean, you've had your cleanup spot taken by Jacque Jones, you should probably just kill yourself, I actually can't believe you haven't yet. I saw an ad on Cubs.com this week asking for votes for our friend A-RAM and I almost shit myself. I mean, how could you vote for someone who's batting .204 and barely has more HR's that Bronson Arroyo?

Sean Marshall, you continue to amaze me. That curve ball is NASTY. Barrett, nice triple, but next time just go for the inside the park HR because you bat at the bottom of the order and either Hairston, the pitcher, or Pierre is up after you, and we all know that none of them will be getting any hits.

Cubs Rumors -- cooked up by ESPN

2006-05-06T11:27:00.000-04:00

Quick weekend rumour: According to the Chicago Sun-Times, the Cubs are in the process of working a trade with the Orioles for either 1B/OF utilityman Jeff Conine or 1B Kevin Millar. I shudder to think what we'd need to give up [because let's be honest, this Todd Walker at 1B and Neifi/Hairston/Bynum shit at 2B ain't going to work for 2-3 months] because the entire league knows we're desperate, but hey, might this be a reasonable idea? I mean, it's not like there are a lot of good 1Bs to spare.

From Dusty's mouth:
"There's some action. Yeah, there's some action. ... It's a difficult time of the year [to trade]. I can't say when, but I'm optimistic."

There is also speculation about out-of-favour Yankees 1B Carlos Pena, who has been languishing unhappily at AAA-Columbus. He is now third on the depth chart, and although he didn't opt out of his minor league contract, he has another "walk away" date [date he could opt out] coming up soon. This all according to the Newark Star-Ledger. Another one to watch.

Also, building on Hypo's observation just hours/minutes ago, the Cubs are currently doing this:

- lost 6 of their last 7.
- been outscored 46-5 during that span.
- been shut out 4 times in our last 6 games.

Fuck. We have possibly the least threatening lineup in the league right now.

NOTE -- Those rumours are brought to you by ESPN Insider.
ESPN Insider: finding the inconsequential minutiae so you don't have to.

Hmm.

2006-05-06T09:17:00.000-04:00

When is the last time the Cubs scored a run?

Cubs Pads Round 1: A Pitching Showcase

2006-05-06T01:36:00.000-04:00

Why do I suck?

So I come home from work/the bar around 10 PST and I'm expecting to see another depressing effort from our beloved cubbies. To my surprise, the game was still going and was 0-0 in the 10th. Z looks to have had his best outing yet. He went 7, struck out 10 and only walked 3. The sad thing is that Chan Ho Park had even better night going a full 9. None of that really matters since neither team did jack with the bat all night.

The padres threatened in the 10th getting a runner into scoring position but Willimason some how managed to strike out the side and push this one to 11. Bynum lead off the 11th with a strike out. It's painful to watch this guy at the plate. For some reason, he seems to think his wheel house includes pitches at helmet level. After his abysmal AB, T-Walk had a freakish ground rule double. When's the last time you saw a ground rule that ended up in the stands on the third base side? Well, hot rod did it. A-Ram continued to suck with yet another SO. Barret, who did have one hit tonight, was doing his best Freddie Bynum impression chasing a pitch up around his eyebrows to end the top of the 11th.

The Padres had yet another chance to win this one with some walk-off-ish theatrics in the bottom of the 11th. Willimason did his best to help with a lead off walk to Khalil Greene. Greene stole second and I'm sure most can guess what followed. Barfield lined one up the middle for a base hit. We all know Pierre doesn't have any power at the plate but I was unsure about his arm strength from center. A toddler would have had a better chance at getting Green at the plate. Juan's throw trickled threw the infield as Greene crossed the plate to score the winning run. Pierre might have speed but that's it. He can't hit the ball out of the infield and his best effort to heave the ball from center to the plate arrives with no less than six hops.

This loss puts the cubs at .500. I'm sure they're headed well below that in the coming weeks. They've lost 6 out of the last 7. They've scored one run, which was walked in, in the last 3.

I'm headed to San Diego in the morning. Statistics tell me I should see at least one cubs win over the next two but reality tells me it's not likely. I'll be back sunday night to post a recap of my san diego experience. Let's hope I have something positive to say.

Quick Link before sundown in San Diego

2006-05-05T14:03:00.000-04:00

Here's a funny article [written by someone other than me] about Mark Prior, our poor, poor hard-up starting pitcher.

Enjoy this, and we'll be back later for a Negra Modelo-soaked viewing of the Baja Brutes vs. our Cubbies on the ol' MLBtv.

Let's Recap...

2006-05-05T00:49:00.000-04:00

What the hell is going on?

Tonight was another miserable one in AZ. We dropped our second in a row to the snakes and we've lost five out of our last six. I'll focus on our mini-series in the desert though, as it is particularly despressing.

First of all, we were outscored 11-1 in these two games. Our inability to bring runners home was taken to a new extreme in this series. In all, we left 22 (twenty-two!!) on base. Our only run was WALKED IN. Who drew the walk? Maddux. I don't get it either...guess it was some kind of fluke or mecry run. Anyway, I cannot remember a time that our offense has struggled like this. Arguably, our two most productive players at the plate are rookies. Probably the biggest disappointment is Ramirez. No longer can we blame the strained ass muscle (you thought I forgot didn't you?). He's not seeing the ball (tonight he literally struck out w/o swinging the bat once), he looks uncomfortable and it doesn't matter if you have him hit 3rd or 8th, he's in a deep funk. Then there's Juan. Granted, he did go 3-4 tonight. Let's take away one of those hits because got picked off. Maybe I should take two since the catcher picked him. Anyway, he's batting a paltry .250 with an OBP under .300. Great lead off guy. I'll admit that when we signed him I was giddy. I thought we finally had locked up a solid lead off guy and that was at least one spot in the line up where we wouldn't have to worry. Wrong, as optimistic cub fans almost always are.

How about our pitching over the past two? Well, Maddux picked up his first loss of the season and Hill's debut start lasted all of four innings. The bullpen managed to put up a few scoreless innings including Ohman and Rusch throwing two each. What's up with those two? They can't hold it down when we have a lead or if it's a close game? But if there's a 4-5 deficit then they have no problem putting up goose eggs? Too much pressure? Regardless, I could do without either of them.

Enough, we're out of AZ for the year and heading into San Diego for the weekend. I already have tickets for saturday and sunday and I'm ready to see one of two trends break. The Padres have been horrible at home this year (4-11) and the cubs have looked horrible over the past few games. Hopefully the latter will change and the Padres can roll to a 4-15 home record.

Cubs @ Diamondbacks, 9.40pm

2006-05-04T20:25:00.000-04:00

CHICAGO CUBS [14-12, Road 6-6]
-
Juan Pierre [CF, .250]
Ronny Cedeno [SS, .322]
Aramis Ramirez [3B, .205]
Todd Walker [1B, .342]
Matt Murton [LF, .287]
Jacque Jones [RF, .239]
Freddie Bynum [2B, .222]
Henry Blanco [C, .095]
Rich Hill [P, .000]

ARIZONA DIAMONDBACKS [15-13, Home 7-6]
-
Eric Byrnes [CF, .294]
Orlando Hudson [2B, .222]
Chad Tracy [3B, .309]
Conor Jackson [1B, .286]
Shawn Green [RF, .326]
Damion Easley [SS, .256]
Johnny Estrada [C, .299]
Andy Green [LF, .250]
Juan Cruz [P, .000]

STARTING PITCHERS
-
CHI: LHP Rich Hill [NR]
ARI: RHP Juan Cruz [0-0, 2.65 ERA]

- If anyone cares to still weigh in on the previous posts [aka LB contributors], go for it. I want to know who you think we should forcibly remove.
- Holy shit, I guess we'll try anything. Note Aramis is batting 3rd in the lineup, although what that might do for his average remains to be seen. I will be using this quote again in next week's TWID, but it's maybe an explanation [or excuse?] for A-Ram's troubles.

"Your average isn't always indicative of how you're hitting the ball, because he's hitting balls hard."

What?
- MLB.tv tonight! [Although I do have the sleeping pills close by. I'm scared.]

EDIT: Oh great, I forgot. Juan Cruz used to pitch for us Cubs. I love these little reunion get-togethers.

Rescue Mission

2006-05-04T12:01:00.000-04:00

Imagine for a second, as far-reaching and hard-to-imagine as this might be, that the Cubs organization were some kind of burning vessel at sea, struggling to remain afloat due to significant structural damage to its antiquated wooden core. A sinking ship, if you will.

Imagine further that the players and front office staff were members of the crew, each with their own skills and talents, some perhaps more useful than others. Continue imagining, say, that the liferafts contained on this ship were substantially smaller than perhaps they should be, and that their relative buoyancy would be compromised if it carried too many people. This dilemma means that less crew members can be saved, and some element of choice needs to be made when deciding who lives and who dies.

Everyone still following?

So, at this ridiculously early junction in the season [a month], perhaps so much so that this sort of thing shouldn't be done until much later [say, another month's time], who would you choose to save, and whose useless bodies would you leave to char on the swab deck?

TOP OF THE FOOD CHAIN
- Jim Hendry
- Dusty Baker

BATTING MEN
- Todd Walker
- Ronny Cedeno
- Juan Pierre
- Jerry Hairston Jr
- Jacque Jones
- Aramis Ramirez
- Michael Barrett
- Matt Murton
- Neifi Perez
- John Mabry
- Freddie Bynum
- Henry Blanco
- Michael Restovich

PITCHING PEOPLE
- Greg Maddux
- Glendon Rusch
- Rich Hill
- Sean Marshall
- Angel Guzman
- Carlos Zambrano
- Ryan Dempster
- Scott Eyre
- Bob Howry
- Scott Williamson
- Will Ohman
- Roberto Novoa

INJURED INJUNS
- Angel Pagan
- Derrek Lee
- Mark Prior
- Kerry Wood
- Wade Miller

Give me your Top 5 people who should be left on the smouldering starboard side.

Sick as a Dog

2006-05-04T09:02:00.000-04:00

Yeah, in case you're wondering, Craig Counsell still completed the double-play.

I am queasy, ladies and gentlemen. I am ill, nauseous, morose, and of course, over-dramatic. Watching this current team play is akin to eating at the Olive Garden : it looks like the real thing, it acts like the real thing, and yet when you're finished with it, you not only feel ashamed and guilty, but you have the unstoppable urge to shit it violently from your system after contact.

It's unfortunate as we did begin the season with a lot of promise, but to watch the Cubbies sleepwalk through unexciting defeats like last night, you wonder just what this team is playing for...

Pride? Ask Aramis Ramirez and his pathetic .205 batting average.

Gold Gloves? Ask Michael Barrett, his 2 throwing errors and the 3 Diamondback stolen bases.

Personal Success? Ask Todd Walker, whose ineptitude with the bat [0-5, 7 LOB] was mirrored by the rest of the team, and our 11 men left on base.

This may all come across as harsh, but it's justified. It doesn't help matters that the Arizona Diamondbacks have OWNED us in recent memory:
- The Cubs are 6-20 vs. the Diamondbacks in Arizona.
- The Cubs have been outscored 168-88 during that time.
- Greg Maddux is 322-181 in the majors, but 1-9 vs. Arizona and 0-5 in Arizona.

Let's hope tonight's game is not more of the same.

Time for Desert

2006-05-03T17:35:00.000-04:00

The odyssey continues tonight in balmy Arizona, where Maddux will try and continue his success where so many before him have failed. The Cubs' pitching rotation is shambolic, to a point -- our vet is unbeaten, our youngest pitcher is unbeaten, and the three between him have yet to muster a win between them. Zambrano is pitching like a drunken bullfighter, Guzman is having difficulty finding the major league strike zone, and Rich Hill gets his first start of 2006 tomorrow night.

But enough of all that. Tonight is Greg's night, as he pushes for career win #324 to tie for 13th on the All-Time Wins list. Here's hoping the offense can bag some runs after yesterday's shutout.

EXTRA BASES
-
1. Diamondbacks' OF Luis Gonzalez is .316 lifetime against Maddux [31-for-98], including 10 home runs and 20 RBIs. The 10 home runs represents the most by any player off Maddux's pitching in his career.
2. Aramis Ramirez is .091 lifetime against Miguel Batista.
3. Diamondbacks' OF Shawn Green is .429 lifetime against Maddux [12-for-28], with 3 HRs and 10 RBIs.

Fuck, I mean... This Week in Dusty [a day late] : 4/26 to 5/2

2006-05-03T17:16:00.000-04:00

"You've got to be able to keep them in sight. If they get out of sight, it makes it tough."
- Dusty on the dangers of falling behind early in the NL Central - 4/26

"There's too many things that you can hurt -- fingers, wrist, elbows, shoulders. There's a lot of things that can happen with a headfirst slide, but Rickey Henderson did a headfirst slide 1,000 times. It depends on the person."
- Dr. Dusty on Barrett's head-first sliding - 4/26

"When things are going good, you don't worry about why they're going good -- you just keep on going good. It's like surfing -- you ride it to the beach instead of worrying about when you're going to fall off."
- Dusty on Maddux's career-best 5-0 start - 4/28

"Conceptually, sometimes you don't have a choice, you know what I mean?"
- No, actually I don't. Dusty on the possibility of having 3 rookies in the rotation - 4/30

"Quite frankly, I wish the animated, demonstrative, angry Z returns, to tell you the truth. This new, calm Z ain't working, so we want the old Z back. This new guy is not himself. I think everybody would like to have old Z back, you know what I'm saying?"
- Yeah, and for once I actually agree with you, dude - 4/30

"It's a different situation per person. Sometimes when you're down and things aren't right, sometimes you need a hug versus a kick. You're already down. You don't kick somebody when they're down. Sometimes you need a kick, especially when a guy isn't exerting effort. We all could use a hug sometimes."
- Seriously. To think I was getting kicked all these years - 5/01

"Where's he going to play? Felix is doing pretty good. He's hitting .300 -- it's not like he's hitting .400, either. He needs to stay down there and do well. If he was a first baseman, it'd be a different story."
- Um, maybe he could play in RIGHT FIELD? - 5/02

"That's a big dude out of there. That's a lot of offense. That's similar to the Cardinals losing Albert Pujols. You always need more offense, but you have to do what you can defensively and pitching-wise."
- No shit, dude. Dusty on Lee's absence - 5/02

Round 2 : Pittsburgh

2006-05-02T13:52:00.000-04:00

STARTING LINEUPS --
Pittsburgh Pirates [7-20, Road 1-13]
-
CF - Chris "Tenderloin" Duffy [.195]
SS - Jack "Brisket" Wilson [.323]
3B - Freddie "Sirloin" Sanchez [.327]
LF - Jason "Filet Mignon" Bay [.276]
RF - Jeromy "Rump Roast" Burnitz [.219]
1B - Craig "Ground Chuck" Wilson [.282]
C - Ronny "T-Bone" Paulino [.280]
2B - Jose "Porterhouse" Castillo [.238]
P - Zach "Rib Eye" Duke [.143]

Chicago Cubs [14-10, Home 8-5]
-
CF - Juan "Masta Killa" Pierre [.258]
SS - Ronny "Method Man" Cedeno [.309]
1B - Todd "The RZA" Walker [.357]
3B - Aramis "Inspectah Deck" Ramirez [.200]
LF - Matt "Ghostface Killah" Murton [.288]
C - Michael "ODB" Barrett [.292]
RF - Jacque "Raekwon" Jones [.230]
2B - Jerry "U-God" Hairston Jr [.257]
P - Angel "The GZA" Guzman [.000]

STARTING PITCHERS --
PIT : LHP Zach Duke [1-2, 4.50 ERA]
CHC : RHP Angel Guzman [0-0, 5.40 ERA]

This was the kind of game that you feel embarrassed to watch, the kind of afternoon that makes you wince with each out and each run batted in by the visiting team. Today, it was Pittburgh's turn to outshine us, as the swing of the bat went clearly in their favour.

7 Pittsburgh runs came with 2 outs today, the hallmark of the Cubs' current malaise. Burnitz must have found satisfaction after his booming 2-run homer in the 3rd inning, and Guzman suffered through another erratic and difficult day. He never looked truly comfortable on the mound, and his early waywardness decided the game [5 2/3 IP, 6 H, 6 R, 4 ER, 3 BB, 7 K].

Zach Duke pitched well, getting substantial help from one of the best young infields in the game [SS Jack Wilson has incredible range, and the combination of Wilson and 2B Jose Castillo are a pleasure to watch in the field]. His complete game, 5-hit performance kept our tepid Cubbies well under control. Several players continued to struggle : Juan Pierre went 0-4 [.248], not seeing nearly enough pitches to have an impact. His patience at the plate is perhaps at a career-low, which is troubling for several reasons. When he gets on base, we play with an added spark. When he goes hitless, the runs never materialize. Jacque Jones also went hitless again [.219], and would have been invisible if not for a couple of solid plays in right. However, the weakness of his arm has never been more obvious, and I'm afraid as to what that will do to opposing baserunners. Be prepared for a million-and-one guys advancing from first-to-third on singles into Jacque Land.

Nothing more to say. I wonder how many more chances Guzman will get in the rotation, and I wonder what we can expect from the upcoming 2-game series in Arizona with Maddux and Rich Hill getting the starts.

LIVEBLOG TIME : Brewers @ Cubs, 2.20pm

2006-04-30T13:11:00.000-04:00

Fasten yer seatbelts for another [tentative] liveblog, this time co-starring Pennsylvania's favorite ISP engineer, Hyposquasher. Most recent updates will appear towards the top, so refresh the page for something new.

4.17pm
We're calling an end to the liveblogging escapades, mainly before one of us does something regrettable that results in a broken computer. Zambrano is loosey-goosey, and Dusty reaches for the classic "Dusty Baker Double Switch", leaving the game after 103 pitches. Brewers 6, Cubs 0, bases loaded, 0 outs. Beer and sunshine are the tonic, but we'll continue this down in the comments section. Bullshit! - JT

3.53pm
Points of conversation over the last half inning:
1) Brewers have 3 extra-base hits, leading off each of the last 3 innings.
2) "Cinnamon Stepchild" should have probably caught that ball.
3) Nice catch by Jacque Jones on RF to rob Satan Miller of a basehit.
4) Todd Walker has adapted to playing 1b much better than Nomar. However, if any of us present were going home to Mia Hamm to do an an assortment of naughty things to her, we probably wouldn't care too much.
5) Not bad coaching to intentionally walk Brady "Bathroom Dweller" Clark to get to Crapuano for the strike-out. Still down 2-0.
- Hyposquasher

3.38pm
Poo-Poo-Uano is looking extremely efficient, although great diving catches in the outfield don't hurt either. Jacque Jones and Hairston must have been miners in a past life, because they both dug themselves deep into 0-2 holes before gleefully coughing up their outs. Zambrano's the king of the swingers, popping out on the 1st pitch. I am angry. I am also drinking. The combination could be deadly. - JT

3.33pm
Well, Zambrano got himself into trouble early, allowing runners at the corners with two outs. However, the 3-2 pitch to Ricky "Two Tone" Weeks was a clutch strike-out pitch.
Reminder to Herry Jairston: You are not Ron Belliard. Do not every throw a baseball from your backside again. Nice catch though. Cubs escape with only 1 more run scored... I'm only worried that if the Brewers score again Zambrano may take a bite out of the baseball...
- Hyposquasher

3.19pm
Another dull half-inning trickles by, like water in a quiet stream. Disappointing easy outs, and Capuano's curveball is looking disturbingly effective. Two easy fly-outs and a strikeout, and beer is becoming the only thing of interest at this table. - JT

3.14pm
Make that Cubs 0, Brewers 1, JT. Carlos Lee jacks his 10th dingy in April, and as TheHawk has so duly noted, it is Kettle Chips 3rd longball off of Big Z in his career. Z still looked very strong in that inning, although has surrendered a 1-0 lead. However, Zambino is still showing more control than he has all year, so that's good. In other news, JT just farted, and it really smells in here...
- Hyposquasher

3.08pm
Venezuela is known for many things: art, literature, spicy cuisine and progressive philosophy. However, it is not known for base-running skills, as Ronny Cedeno gets caught in TWO run-downs in the SAME INNING. A poor inning with the bat, thanks to Walker and Pierre's soft ground-outs. Cubs 0, Brewers 0. - JT

3.00pm
WHOOOOAAAAA and Big "El Diablo Latino" Z es en la CASA!!!! Zambrano Grande is pitching well so far, the first time he has gotten out of a 1st inning that quickly all year thus far. I have a theory as to the reason, which I will reveal in a few innings if he continues to pitch well. And how about Cedeno showing some serious range by hopping on his horse and riding out to get that soft drive up the middle for the third out! So far, looking good!!
- Hyposquasher

2.41pm
Hello, hello!!! Today we hail to you from CT, that is, JT and I will be livebogging the game and drinking dark beers and eating delicious ribs together. The sun is bright (here) and it looks to be a terrific day...
Just watched the clip of Zambrano breaking the bat over his knee from last week. Still absolutely amazing. JT and I are hoping that today Big Z tops himself does something better... like break an umpire over his knee or something. The grounds crew is affectionately caresssing the warning track one last time right now to make sure the field is ready for today's game.
- Hyposquasher

2.21pm
WGN looks wet and wild, and the game will be under what looks to be a brief rain delay. That should give us more time to enjoy the absurb amount of beer purchased yesterday. - JT

Brewers 16, Cubs 2

2006-04-29T13:50:00.000-04:00

STARTING LINEUPS

---
Milwaukee Ale-Swiggers [12-11, Road 3-7]
-
2B - Rickie "Two-Tone" Weeks [.246]
SS - JJ "Pixie Dust" Hardy [.274]
RF - Geoff "Shithouse" Jenkins [.275]
LF - Carlos "El Caballo" Lee [.305]
1B - Prince "The Great Royal" Fielder [.345]
3B - Bill "Nondescript" Hall [.269]
C - Damian "Fuck" Miller [.315]
CF - Brady "Bunch" Clark [.194]
P - Dale "Facial" Davis [.000]

Chicago Cubs [13-8, Home 7-3]
-
CF - Juan "Lucky" Pierre [.264]
SS - Ronny "Fresh" Cedeno [.333]
1B - Todd "Hot Rod" Walker [.355]
3B - Aramis "Swingerita" Ramirez [.212]
LF - Matt "Cinnamon" Murton [.292]
RF - Jacque "Burnitz" Jones [.231]
2B - Jerry "Famous Dad" Hairston Jr. [.286]
C - Henry "The Heavy Solution" Blanco [.111]
P - Glendon "Bum" Rusch [.333]

TODAY'S PITCHERS
-
MIL : LHP Doug Davis [0-2, 7.66 ERA]
CHI : LHP Glendon Rusch [1-3, 6.41 ERA]

No liveblog today [I need a day to recharge], but I should be watching, and there might be an LB duo liveblog tomorrow [starring myself and America's No. 1 Sandwich Eater, Hyposquasher] from our mountainside hangout. No, it's not a treehouse. Jerks.

Game Time : Brewers 2, Cubs 6

2006-04-28T14:04:00.000-04:00

Liveblog time, inning-by-inning [hopefully]. Refresh the page for updates - latest inning will appear towards the top.

4.53pm - Top 9th - MILWAUKEE
Scott Williamson strikes out the side in order. CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN! Maddux becomes the first in the majors to 5 wins with another competent outing [6 IP, 8 H, 2 ER, BB, 6 K], and the relief trio of Howry, Eyre and Williamson pitch 3 hitless innings, allowing one walk and striking out six. With the bat, Jones goes 3-4 [HR, 2 RBI], Cedeno 3-4 [HR, 2 RBI], Walker 2-3 [RBI], although Murton misses out on the party [1-4, RBI, K, 6 LOB]. Neifi goes hitless [0-4, K], dropping his average to .176 on the season. Cubs win in fine style, setting up the lefty vs. lefty matchup [Dale Davis vs. Glendon Rusch] tomorrow afternoon.

4.44pm - Bottom 8th - CHICAGO
Jacque Jones slashes a solo home run in the inning, raising his average to .231 with his 3-for-4 day. Scott Williamson will pitch the 9th now that the save situation has disappeared. 6-2 Cubs.

4.35pm - Top 8th - MILWAUKEE
Scott Eyre strikes out the side and I see God smiling down from the clouds. He made Carlos Lee look like a clown at the plate.

4.24pm - Bottom 7th - CHICAGO
Murton pops out in foul territory to end the inning, leaving the bases full of Cubs and reminding us that he is, after all, human. The meat of Milwaukee's lineup awaits lucky Scott Eyre with a 3-run lead.

4.05pm - Top 7th - MILWAUKEE
Bob Howry gets the job done in relief, although it takes a lucky play at 2nd [Weeks safe on the steal, but slipped off the bag and Cedeno nailed him], and a great running catch at the ivy by Pierre to finish the inning. I am especially happy because Howry's on my fantasy team and I get credit for Holds. Hallelujah. Now Ron Santo is helping the Ruth family [his daughter and grandson] sing during the stretch, and I mercifully reach for the mute button.

3.55pm - Bottom 6th - CHICAGO
Cubs caught stealing again, this time it's Jacque "The Black Jeromy Burnitz" Jones with his hand stuck in the cookie. Blanco pops out, and I almost lose consciousness. 90 minutes in, and 2/3rds of the game complete.

3.49pm - Top 6th - MILWAUKEE
Maddux rounds off another tidy inning, allowing only a 2-out double to former Cub Damian Miller. Dusty has noticed that his pitch count is at 89, close to what Baker wants him to throw, prompting debate that Maddux might be done for the afternoon and returned immediately to his hermetically-sealed cryo-chamber, the latest innovation for 40-something pitchers.

3.40pm - Bottom 5th - CHICAGO
Matt Murton gives support to the controversial new theory that redheads cannot steal bases, getting thrown out on his first attempt of the season to end the 5th inning.

3.33pm - Bottom 5th - CHICAGO
Holy Moses! Either Ronny Cedeno just smashed a two-run homer to left [it looked as pretty as it sounds], or I've built an immunity to my medication. 5-2 Cubs, and Walker's on first with a single and no outs.

3.29pm - Top 5th - MILWAUKEE
Geoff Jenkins' "stellar plate coverage" bags him 2 RBI for the ride home, cutting the lead to 3-2 with guys still on 1st and 3rd with one out. His location let him down a little bit, and three consecutive greasy groundball singles to the outfield [including one to the pitcher] certainly don't help. However, the Cubs turn a nasty double-play on the Lee grounder to Cedeno [it certainly makes your defense look incredible when Carlos Lee is slow and fat], and Maddux escapes with only two Brewers runs on the board. 3-2 Cubs, bottom 5.

3.20pm
The superb commentary team mentions that Bush should be a good pitcher because he double-majored in Psychology and Humanities at Wake Forest. The Cubs do roll over meekly for examination in the inning, however, so there's hope for him yet.

3.14pm - Top 4th - MILWAUKEE
Another 1-2-3 inning for Maddux - he's looking extremely comfortable now. If the commentary team does not stop referring to Damian Miller as "the former Cub", although it is true [he did leave, oh, right after 2003 playing just one season in Wrigley?], I might be forced to send a threatening fax to their PA booth.

3.08pm - Bottom 3rd - CHICAGO
No such luck - the Cubs leave Cedeno on 3rd and Walker on 1st -- Ramirez lofted a huge pop-out to the infield, Murton daydreamed his way to a strikeout, and Jacque Jones [presumably trying to copy his 2nd inning double] hit a sharp grounder right to Fielder at first. Still another run on the board, and Maddux has to be happy with a bit more breathing room.

3.02pm - Bottom 3rd - CHICAGO
The floodgates are in danger of opening : Pierre legged out a double on a base hit down the right field line, Cedeno's iffy bunt leaves the entire infield confused, reaching easily. Walker's dribble single up the middle scores Pierre and moves Cedeno to 3rd. Still no outs, but another run across the plate and 2 on the corner bags.

2.56pm
Maddux has settled down admirably, recording the 3 outs with little difficulty. 3 innings, 41 pitches, 29 strikes.

2.48pm
Jesus Christ. The Cubs seriously have about as much self-control as my grandmother after a few Christmas Day glasses of sherry. Dusty's pre-game talk seems to be apparent - swing hard, swing early, swing often. Aside from the 3 straight hits and 2 runs, the Cubs are feeling generous with their outs. I hope Maddux can handle the rollercoaster all afternoon long.

2.44pm - Bottom 2nd - CHICAGO
A-Ram collects his 13th hit of the season [BA up to .219 if you're keeping score at home], slamming the 1st pitch down the left field line for a double. Murton promptly kills a similar delivery to almost the exact same spot, scoring Ramirez easily. This prompts the commentary team to suggest nicknames for Murton, coming up with "Big Murt" and "Money Man". Fucking awful. Almost lost in the excitement was Jacque Jones' tickertape double to right, scoring Murton standing up. Dave Bush strokes his biker mustache in disbelief. 2-0 Cubs.

2.40pm
It's the imitation game - Milwaukee goes one better, recording 3 outs in just 8 Maddux pitches, including the mandatory strike-out by the pitcher.

2.34pm - Bottom 1st - CHICAGO
Pierre needs to quit his impatient pixie dance at the plate and start watching some pitches. The Cubs give an impromptu performance of video game baseball, giving up all 3 outs with just 9 pitches thrown. This game is easy without the controller!

2.30pm - Top 1st - MILWAUKEE
Maddux induces the soft fly out to end a shaky-ass inning, in which he nabbed a K, walked Hardy and then coughed up two straight singles. Milwaukee leaves the bases loaded in a scoreless 1st, and Maddux maintains his stretch of not allowing runs in the opening stanza. Wrigley Field can breathe again.

The Silent One Posts at Last...

2006-04-28T10:55:00.000-04:00

Hello all, sorry for my recent silence. Or perhaps you are thanking me for my recent silence. At any rate, don't worry, I have been reading all of our posts, and all of your silly little comments. (Just kidding, hey, come on... Don't walk away like that, it was a joke... You know I love your comments! And your pretty face too, that's right, come on back, there you go just sit down so we can talk this out...)

Anywho, there is a very entertaining article on the NY Times today, so I thought I would share it with all of you faithful Cubilites. Here it is!

Former Cubs Watch

2006-04-28T08:17:00.000-04:00

Corey "Whiff King" Patterson, OF [BAL]
5-for-32 [.156 BA], HR, 4 RBI
.156 OBP, .250 SLG, .406 OPS
4 SB, 0 BB, 7 K
VERDICT : Once shit, always shit.

Jeromy "Lockjaw" Burnitz, OF [PIT]
18-for-83 [.217 BA], 4 HR, 12 RBI
.253 OBP, .386 SLG, .638 OPS
0 SB, 2 BB, 20 K
VERDICT : The white Jacque Jones.

Jon "Pudding" Koronka, SP [TEX]
3-1, 3.75 ERA
24 IP, 22 H, 6 BB, 18 K
1.17 WHIP, .239 BAA
VERDICT : I wish we had him instead of Glendon.

Todd "The Great White" Wellemeyer, RP [FLA]
0-1, 5.06 ERA
5 1/3 IP, 5 H, 3 BB, 4 K
1.50 WHIP, .238 BAA
VERDICT : I'm glad he can finally get a tan.

Sergio "El Mule" Mitre, SP [FLA]
1-2, 4.56 ERA
23 2/3 IP, 21 H, 9 BB, 18 K
1.27 WHIP, .239 BAA
VERDICT : Sad to see him go, but way better ethnic food in Miami.

Fun Facts with Rutger Hauer!!

2006-04-28T07:59:00.000-04:00

Did You Know....

> The Cubs were 5-8 last season vs. Milwaukee??
> Greg's older brother Mike Maddux is the Brewers' pitching coach??
> Greg Maddux leads the NL with a 4-0 record and 0.99 ERA??
> Greg Maddux is 12-3 lifetime vs. Milwaukee [2.16 ERA in 20 starts]??
> Maddux went only 3-2 vs. Milwaukee in 2005 [4.80 ERA in 5 starts, OPP BA .328]??
> Brewers OF Geoff Jenkins is .395 lifetime vs. Maddux [15-for-38]??
> The Cubs are batting .278 vs. RHP??

TODAY'S PITCHERS
---
MIL : RHP Dave Bush [2-1, 3.54 ERA]
CHC : RHP Greg Maddux [4-0, 0.99 ERA]

I will be watching this one on the ol' MLB.tv I reckon, so we'll see what happens. Since Lee's injury, we've performed reasonably well at 3-3, but we'll need another week or two in order to fully understand just how his absence affects this team. We have a potentially tricky next month on the schedule, including 7 games against the Padres [4 away, 3 home], and a series against the White Sox at Comiskey.

I'm just glad that we should have Lee, Wood AND Prior back for the month of June, where the shit really could hit the fan [@ St. Louis x 3, @ Houston x 3, vs. Detroit x 3, @ Cleveland x 3, @ Minnesota x 3, vs. Houston x 3, vs. Milwaukee x 4]. That stretch should just about decide the Cubs' fate.

Regardless, maybe I'll liveblog today if work doesn't grab me by the throat and try to steal my milk money.

Take two and call me in the morning

2006-04-26T10:00:00.000-04:00

I finally bought the full MLB.tv package, and first, I will say that despite early-season glitches reported by the likes of Deadspin, they've upped their game and fixed what was wrong. With that in mind, I tuned in for every frostbitten inning of last night's 3-1 win, and boy, am I happy this morning.

The Cubs not only moved to 4-0 in Sean Marshall's starts, but condemned Dontrelle "Beetlejuice" Willis to his first career loss in the month of April. It was a pitcher's duel from start to finish, and while Willis did pitch well [7 IP, 5 H, 3 ER, 6 K], Sean "Gunner" Marshall did him one better, tossing 7 scoreless innings of 2-hit baseball on a frigid Chicago night.

Marshall was phenomenal; his curveball was nastier than seven sun-soaked sweaty nights with the clap-ridden Paris Hilton. He struck out seven while only walking two [suffered early from that "rookie strike zone" as Lazlo pointed out], and threw a career-high 96 pitches in the outing. Economical, ruthless, victorious.

There were 8th inning jitters as Bob Howry couldn't finish off the side with 2 outs, but Dempster pitched an almost effortless 9th for his 6th save of the season.

Not much more to say, except that I am still angry with Aramis "Supposed to be the New Figurehead and Hero of the Team now that Lee is injured" Ramirez. Another disappointing outing. Despite a good play at the plate to score the first run, you went hitless AGAIN, putting up 0-2 with a walk, and dropping your average to a dismal .180 on the season.

Matt Murton needs your help, because you're dragging ass and stopping this team from being a lot better. Cubs still win, and I can't wait to watch Angel Guzman's debut this afternoon.

TALK AMONGST YOURSELVES
---
> Predictions for Guzman today, if he gets the start?
> What is wrong with Ramirez?
> Can Sean Marshall sustain his early success?
> Did you know that from Friday April 21 to Tuesday May 2 [11 games], the Cubs will have faced 7 left-handed pitchers?
> Did you also know that we are batting .211 as a team vs. LHP, although Matt Murton is batting a crazy .529 vs LHP [9-for-17, HR, 5 RBI]?

TODAY'S PITCHERS
---
FLA : LHP Scott Olsen [1-1, 1.50 ERA]
CHC : RHP Angel Guzman [NR]

This Week in Dusty : 4/19 to 4/25

2006-04-25T18:37:00.000-04:00

Remember dudes, always hunt with a white dude. That way, the cops won't give you sass. Love, Dusty.

"He'll get it; he'll learn. But I'd rather have that fire than I would a guy that you have to light his pilot light to get fire. You don't want to put that fire out. But instead of a raging fire, you want him to channel it like a torch."
- I have no idea what he's talking about. Dusty on Zambrano, 4/19

"You never see anyone lose two guys on one play. But nobody cares if Lee's hurt or not, except us and the people in Chicago and the people who know him. We'll just have to adjust and just keep on adjusting."
- Dusty on the Lee/Eyre two-for-one injury, 4/20

"He pitched so well the last time out. This time out, he's a different pitcher. Sometimes you have to figure it out yourself. He has the stuff. You could see from the last time out. It was just a bad day."
- Dusty on RHP Jerome Williams, right before they sent him to AAA, 4/22

"He's kind of in no-man's land a little bit. He's early on breaking stuff and late on fastballs. Jim Edmonds is probably in the same zone. You've got to swing your way and fight your way out of it. You can't try to press, but it's easier said than done."
- Huh? Jim Edmonds? Dusty explains [but doesn't explain] Jacque Jones' problems, 4/22

"[Williams] was real good one time, then the next time equally as bad. You just want to get some consistency."
- The delicious smell of being obvious, 4/23

"I have to see the big picture, not just today. I have to see [Sunday] and Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday before we have another off-day. I know a lot of people just see today, but I've got today and tomorrow and the next day."
- Being a manager is hard work, 4/23

"Aramis has been flirting with that fence for awhile."
- Dusty on Aramis' home run on Sunday. Note to fans: don't touch the fence, 4/23

"He needs a little bit of craziness, just to be himself."
- Yeah, that or Valium. Dusty on Zambrano's 3rd Inning bat snap, 4/25

----

If you see great dusty quotes, email them to us at lingeringbursitis [at] gmail [dot] com.
[Don't forget to remove the you-know-whats. Spam us, and you don't wanna know what we'll do.]

Fun Facts with Bruce Vilanch!!!

2006-04-25T18:31:00.000-04:00

Did you know....

- Dontrelle Willis is has a career 9-0, 2.20 ERA mark in the month of April??
- Dontrelle Willis is 2-0 lifetime against the Cubs at Wrigley, with a 1.01 ERA and 23 Ks in 26 2/3 innings??
- The Cubs are 2-for-17 (.118 BA) against Dontrelle with runners in scoring position??
- Aramis Ramirez is batting .186 for the season??
- The Cubs are 2-2 without Derrek Lee??
- The Cubs are 3-0 in Sean Marshall's starts, even though he's thrown 86 pitches or less in each outing??
- Jacque "I don't care about no batting average" Jones turns 31 today??

TONIGHT'S PITCHERS
--
FLA : LHP Dontrelle Willis [1-0, 2.92 ERA]
CHC : LHP Sean Marshall [1-0, 6.28 ERA]

The Cubs love pulling rabbits out of hats

2006-04-24T22:23:00.000-04:00

First base never looked better!!

Do you believe in magic
In a young Cub's heart
How the 8th Inning can free us
whenever it starts
And it's magic, if the pitching isn't groovy
It makes you feel happy like an old-time movie
I'll tell you about the magic, and it'll free your soul
But it's like trying to tell a non-believer about Jones in the 7 hole

This game was ballsack until the 8th inning. A poor play by Marlins C Matt Treanor, and some timely hitting by Jacque "Maybe after this I can go 0-20 and people will leave me alone" Jones, and the Cubs pull a win out of their pimpled asses.

Zambrano was absurd to watch, a moving, living, breathing carnival ride from start to finish. Whether it was his circus play with the bat in the 3rd, breaking a bat over his knee after striking out on a 3-2 count, or his 12 strikeouts, El Toro deserved better. Marlins starter Jason "Greased Lightning" Vargas deserved even better, pitching 6 1/3 innings of 1-hit ball before being yanked for that inept Florida bullpen.

We should not have won this game by any stretch of the imagination, but then again, when do teams ever get what they deserve? I still believe in magic, for one more game at least, despite seeing enough runners left on base to make me puke up my pancreas. Stay tuned for some quality content when our hangovers wear off tomorrow.

Sunday afternoon shits & giggles

2006-04-23T17:07:00.000-04:00

Glendon Rusch -- 1-3, 6.41 ERA
Jerome Williams -- 0-2, 7.30 ERA
Sean Marshall -- 1-0, 6.28 ERA

Sergio Mitre [FLA] -- 1-1, 4.08 ERA
John Koronka [TEX] -- 3-1, 3.75 ERA

The image that broke a million blue hearts

2006-04-22T10:42:00.000-04:00

D-Lee, April 20, 2006

This is it, people. This is the iconic image, forever burned into our bruised psyches, coming one year to the day that Nomar provided us with a litany of jokes [and a ton of disappointment] as he tore his groin running to first. Will this day become such a dark anniversary for years to come? One hopes that the schedule will furnish us with an off-day on April 20, 2007.

Nomar, April 20, 2005

Having had time to digest somewhat, we have to look at what this ultimately means for the Cubs. I think it's safe to say we should be thinking long-term as opposed to this season, for it will be almost impossible to replace a man of Lee's calibre with bat and glove for such a period of time while still remaining competitive.

Lee led the Cubs in almost all major offensive categories last season [BA, SLG, OBP, H, 2B, 3B, HR, RBI, R], a feat that has not been achieved for some time. So without him, our lineup is suddenly a lot less intimidating. The addition of Pierre thankfully provides some bite in 2006, but we're a lot easier to pitch around. Ramirez will get nowhere near as many chances to hit without Lee's protection in the lineup [think how impotent Manny would be without Ortiz in front], and the shaky infield arms of Cedeno and Walker are now a vulnerability thanks to the loss of Lee's gold glove defense at 1st.

If Walker moves over, Neifi or Hairston would have to become everyday players again. Michael Restovich, a RF, moves into the 25-man roster, although I struggle to see what long-term effect he could have on the lineup. So our lineup could look something like this, similar to what we saw last night:

Pierre, CF
Hairston Jr., 2B
Walker, 1B
Ramirez, 3B
Barrett, C
Jones, RF
Murton, LF
Cedeno, SS
[pitcher]

Not threatening in the slightest. Teams now have the easy option to pitch around Ramirez and Pierre [and take their chances with Barrett], and in that lineup, both Jones and Ramirez are batting badly so far this season [A-Ram: .200, 2 HR, 5 RBI//Jones: .207, HR, 4 RBI].

It doesn't bode well. With Prior and Wood about a month away, and Lee out for "8-to-12", our pitching staff will have to work fucking hard to give the Cubs any chance of success in 2006. It doesn't help that we have Glendon Rusch and Jerome "I just got bitchslapped AGAIN by the Cardinals" Williams in the rotation, along with rookie Marshall. I like our bullpen, but it's a lot to ask of them when our starters are getting knocked out in the 4th or 5th inning [last night: Williams threw 1 1/3 IP] on a daily basis. Zambrano doesn't even have a win yet!

The Cubs have had shitty luck for the second April 20 in a row, but this is a much deadlier blow. It's going to be a tough month, but let's see where we stand after this weekend. Keep the beer and the cyanide pills close at hand.

Today's Starters
STL: RHP Sidney Ponson [1-0, 3.97 ERA]
CHC: LHP Glendon Rusch [1-2, 6.60 ERA]

Glendon Rusch career vs. STL
18 GS, 6-6, 4.77 ERA, 1.32 WHIP, .274 BAA

Ryan Dempster = Red-Headed Hero

2006-04-22T10:23:00.000-04:00

Other Things Ryan Dempster has saved during his Cubs record streak

- The entire run of Gaslight comics
- Last night's Beef Stroganoff from a faulty oven
- Bill Murray's acting career
- Arrested Development [well, for one season, but he's only human]
- Doogie Howser M.D on videotape
- Paris Hilton from herself
- half a million dollars in pennies found in the street
- 2 marriages
- money on his car insurance by switching to Geico

In the midst of the dim future that surrounds the current incarnation of the Cubs, Ryan Dempster is undoubtedly a highlight. His record-breaking exploits, netting 23 consecutive saves [and extending a scoreless innings streak to somewhere around 30] dating back to last season, has to bring some solace to a team without 3 All-Star players. Right?

What makes his transformation into a serviceable closer even more remarkable is the path he's taken to get to this point. Several meandering seasons as the 4th or 5th starter in Florida and Cincinnati could never have prepared us for this 9th inning champion. Taking a look at the numbers:

1999 [Florida]
25 GS, 7-8, 4.71 ERA, 7.71 K/9, 1.36 K/BB, .262 BAA
2000 [Florida]
33 GS, 14-10, 3.66 ERA, 8.31 K/9, 2.16 K/BB, .243 BAA
2001 [Florida]
34 GS, 15-12, 4.94 ERA, 7.28 K/9, 1.53 K/BB, .269 BAA
2002 [Cincinnati/Florida]
33 GS, 10-13, 5.38 ERA, 6.59 K/9, 1.65 K/BB, .286 BAA
2003 [Cincinnati]
20 GS, 3-7, 6.54 ERA, 6.54 K/9, 1.20 K/BB, .293 BAA

He's always been a hard thrower, but found a lot of trouble with pitch selection, trying to knock guys down with fastballs and getting hit to all areas of the field. However, he's curbed that aggression, and still holds down those nasty K/9 numbers that you could want from a closer. So much so that last year he set career-best stats in K/9 [8.71] and ERA [3.13].

Hats off to Dempster. May we continue to get save opportunites for you to convert.

Getting serious for a moment

2006-04-20T16:12:00.000-04:00

So yeah I have no idea what happened in the game last night, aside from TheHawk's periodic phone calls to fill in the blanks. However, I do know we have some injuries right now. I have no clue what's up with D-Lee, and Scott Eyre looked like he banged up his arm some too. However, I just want to put things in perspective for a second.

Yeah, I'm a crotchety-arse when it comes to the Cubs. Not a minute goes by where I'm gainfully searching for the downside or the dark moments amid our day-to-day struggles. However, I'm breaking from the trend and feeling happy today. Why? Because I just beat cancer, that's why. I know I've kept it quiet as hell around here [aside from brief comments regarding drugs and medication and whatnot], but yes. I just saw my doctor and he gave me the all-clear. I still need to monitor for a few years, but I couldn't care less. Two major surgeries, 4 rounds of chemo, shitty restrictive diets, the cold corridors of hospital life -- it's all behind me.

As for the Cubs, they're a lifeforce for me, and I'm sure the same goes for all of us. Their everyday minutiae is what absorbs me, but right now, the Cubs can wait. I just got a new lease of life, and no blown save or 15-day trip to the DL could possibly dampen it. I'll be back tomorrow once the beer wears off.

Also, congratulations to Ryan Dempster -- there's a few posts coming in celebration of his heroics too.

Penny vs. Marshall: Rubber Game Preview

2006-04-19T15:39:00.000-04:00

We've dominated and been dominated in this series. Tonight's match up is an odd one that could go either way. Sean "Iceman" Marshall has been impressive for a rookie. Brad "Don't confuse me with Sidney Ponson" Penny has been just flat out impressive.

The Cubs have yet to drop two in a row this season so why start now? I'll just get right into my shot in the dark predictions: Marshall goes five, gives up two runs. Penny goes six and gives up three runs. Cubs win 6-3. Our bats will get warmer and Lee, Ramirez, and Murton drive in runs.

Plans changed at the last minute last night and I didn't make the game. In retrospect, that's a good thing. Last night's loss would have been a tough one to stomach in person (it was hard enough on TV). I'll be at Dodger stadium on the first base line tonight. It'll be the first time I've been to a cubs game in over a decade. I can't even tell you the outcome the last time I saw them at Wrigley. JT: I'll do my best to snap a pic of Nomar holding a tube of Vagisil.

"He has the Latin fire."

2006-04-18T19:49:00.000-04:00

Who? As if you couldn't guess, this guy:

JT may be responsible for the always entertaining "This Week in Dusty" posts but I couldn't resist posting a gem from this article about the Cubs' decision to stick with the human torch and his combustible temper. Here's the quote: "Oh yeah. I've seen an evolution in some ways and the same in other ways. But let's not forget this guy's only 24 years old. They talk about the Latin fire. He has the Latin fire." Laugh amongst yourselves...

En fuego is on the hill tonight and I didn't feel the need to give him a pep talk, unlike Greggy. I'm confident he'll do extremely well tonight. Unfortunately, my trip to Dodger stadium has been postponed until tomorrow night...at least I'll get to see Marshall battle the somewhat intimidating Penny.

The 405 will be clogged tonight

2006-04-18T12:38:00.000-04:00

Tonight sees game two in LA-LA land against those crafty dodgers, in the city where conscientiousness and altruism go to die. With Zambrano on the mound, we have another strong chance of snagging the win, as Carlos can't get enough of these self-absorbed Hollywood types. Glamour was always his strong suit, and with TheHawk's presence, maybe he'll pull out the pyrotechnics once more, just for LB's sake.

AROUND THE BASES - WHAT TO WATCH FOR
---
1st Base -- Zambrano loves Los Angeles.
In 7 career appearances vs. the Dodgers [3 starts], El Toro Borracho is a sturdy 1-1 with a 1.80 ERA. Not only that, but lifetime at Dodger Stadium, he's allowed only 2 unearned runs in 16 1/3 innings pitched. As if that all wasn't enough - the current Dodgers roster has a pathetic .182 BA against Z. [99 at-bats] Only Jeff Kent has anything to shout about, posting a .250 mark with 2 RBIs and 10 Ks.

2nd Base -- Derek Lowe: Not So Lucky
Lowe is a career 8-9 when pitching at Dodger Stadium [4.26 ERA], which makes his decision to join them all the more perplexing. His last start saw him cough up 8 runs on 9 hits in just 5 innings of work. Derrek Lee is also 6-for-12 lifetime [HR, 3 RBI] and Neifi Perez is .357 lifetime [5-for-14, HR, 3 RBI], which might make tonight more difficult for the Lowe-meister.

3rd Base -- Hot Hitters
Todd Walker and Matt Murton are red hot right now [Ho Ho Ho], tearing the cover off the ball over the last 7 days. Walker rightly earned COTW for his efforts [.474, 2 HR, 5 RBI], while El Murto was no Ramblin' Rose with an equally warm week [.360, HR, 2 2B, 3B, 6 RBI]. For Los Angeles, Olmedo Saenz [.333, HR, 6 RBI] and Bill Mueller [.333, 2 HR, 6 RBI] are the hot hands to pay attention to.

Home Plate -- Dempster's Run at History
After last night's performance, Ryan Dempster moved one step closer to the Cubs' record books. He is tied with Joe Borowski [hey, whatever happened to that salty sea dog?] for most consecutive converted saves with 22, and has a chance to smash it tonight. His current scoreless innings streak is now up to 29 1/3 [going back to last season], making him look like a changed man from the once-failed starter who went 3-7 with a 6.54 ERA in his last full season as a starter [2004 in Cincinnati, which is hardly surprising].

Talk to us! I'm looking at a juicy W tonight [and that's a double pun, you know]. Tell me how much you hate me, and let's have some laughs.

This Week in Dusty - 04/12 to 04/18

2006-04-18T12:12:00.000-04:00

If y'alls keep stealing Dusty quotes for other posts, this fedora trio might come visit you in the night. Let that be a lesson to you, especially because of pimp juice on the left.

"It's warmer now. I looked at the weather last night, and it was 70 degrees in Minnesota, 65 in North Dakota and raining like [heck] in California. Usually, the wind doesn't blow out this time of year, either, here."
- Dusty tries his hand at Meteorology when discussing "juiced" baseballs, 04/12

"I've learned from hamstrings that when a guy says he feels good, you give him a couple extra days."
- Dr. Dusty on Jacque Jones, 04/13

"It seems like we have trouble keeping them in the ballpark. If we could keep them in the ballpark, it'd be different."
- Dusty breaks down the home run's impact on winning or losing, 04/13

"We're trying to take it slower versus faster. He is a rehab player. "
- Dusty on Kerry Wood [interpret that how you will], 04/15

"We want him to come here and throw the ball the way he's been throwing down there."
- Dusty on RP David Aardsma's callup. Is that too much to ask? 04/16

"That night, I had two friends with me and they were taking us to the airport. They were taking our wives, me, Kenny Landreaux and Derrel Thomas. I came around the corner in the parking lot and saw some Canadian dudes there. I saw Derrel's wife and her feet were up in the air. They'd pushed her out of the way, and we got into a fight in the parking lot. I was uppercutting this guy, and I guess we beat him up, and I got on the plane and my right hand started throbbing. I went to tell Tommy [Lasorda, Dodgers manager], and I said, "I think I broke my hand." He said, "What? How?" I told him: fighting."
- Dusty on the '81 World Series injury that almost held him back, 04/16

Mad-dog is NAASSSTTYYY!!!

2006-04-18T08:49:00.000-04:00

And used to have a funny mustache, too.

Well I'm sticking with my vote for Cub of the Week last week. I think it was one of those cases where he was reading our blog, and said, "FINE! I didn't get enough props on your blog? I'll have to have an even better week!" Maddux has seriously been ridiculous this year, and the articles are everywhere, so I'll try not to get into the stats and repeat everything every other article says. But seriously, did you guys see that he pitched 8 innings last night and only gave up 1 run on 3 hits with no walks? Pretty crazy, huh! In true JT style, I now dismiss you to talk amongst yourselves. Topics could include:

* Dempster had an OK game for a closer, allowing no hits, striking out 1 and registering the save. He didn't strike out the side, but I guess I'll take it.

* Walker had another terrific game, getting the scoring started with a solo home run and going 2/3. Dusty even let him finish the game. It was his 100th career dinger.

* Maddux also contributed to the offense getting what he termed a "cheap hit" with runners at the corners. That was the story of his RBI, and he rounded the bases and scored a run on a Walker sac-fly as well.

* Maddux drove in My Main Man Matt Murton who was hitless again last night, but did collect a free base on balls. He ran the bases well too, advancing to third on a single and scoring on Maddux's cheap trick.

* Um, Maddux catching Furcal in a rundown while he tried to steal third? According to Mad-dog, that call was made by Larry Rothschild. So he gets his credit in that one too.

* Doesn't TheHawk feel a little regretful for deciding to go to tonight's game to see Z instead of going last night? Everyone understands a busy schedule, and I guess tonight was more CONVENIENT for him, but let's make fun of him anyway. HAHA, SUCKS FOR YOU!!!

* "The main thing is strike one. You get strike one and you can do a lot of things." Dusty Baker does have a way with words, eh?

Regardless, Dusty may have said it best (?!?) when he described Maddux's pitching last night as "Masterful."

Baseballs: Congress' Next Target?

2006-04-17T10:30:00.000-04:00

Forget about Bonds, it looks like some are saying it's the ball that should be under the microscope.

Just look at it...smug, cocky, GUILTY!

Browsing this morning's headlines I came across two stories making a case that baseballs might in fact be juicing. The first is here. Of course, Dusty weighs: "It's warmer in places. I looked on the Weather Channel, and it's like 70 degrees in Minnesota [dude]." As the article's author points out, that's a huge factor in MN, where they play in a dome. Well done Dusty, well done.

The second story I stumbled on is here. Dusty's also quoted, here in a more joking tone, possibly starting this whole controversy: "Maybe the ball is on steroids."

Rusch Recovers, Cubs Squash Pirates

2006-04-16T15:58:00.000-04:00

Glendon!!

The Cubs bounced back from tough 2-1 loss to take the series from Pittsburgh with a 7-3 victory this afternoon. Rusch finally had a decent outing going six innings allowing three runs and got his first win of the season. All three of the Bucs' runs came on a Craig Wilson dinger. This afternoon's performance will no doubt extend Rusch's stay in the rotation. I'd love to see him do well but honestly, I don't see it happening. Remember, this win came over the Pirates, easily the worst team in the NL Central. We'll see how he fares against a decent opponent, which, should be St. Louis later next week.

Ramirez looks like he's found his stride (without pulling an ass muscle, will these jokes get old soon?) going 2-3 today with a walk. Ram-rod drove in three of our seven runs, two with a homer in the sixth.

We had ten hits today coming from seven different Cubs. A nice combination of small and long ball today. Pierre was consistenly on base which will hopefully shut up some of the haters. Murton was quiet at the plate going 0-4.

Dempster doesn't get mentioned much here or any other Cubs blog but he's doing a hell of a job. This game was Dempster's 30th straight appearance without allowing an earned run. That's 29.1 scoreless innings. Impressive to say the least.

Next up is a three game series with LA. Hopefully, I'll make at least one of these games since I'm only about 60 miles from Dodger stadium. I guess the big decision is who I want to see pitch: Mad Dog, Z or the 'mini-unit'.

Cub of the Week update coming later today and Happy Easter.

Pirates 2, Cubs 1...PNC streak ends

2006-04-15T21:31:00.000-04:00

Tonight's game was pretty boring but I did catch the whole thing on WGN so I'll throw out a few comments. First thing: Ramirez did get a hit tonight but he still looks very uncomfortable at the plate. Not sure that is ass muscle is back to 100% but hopefully he'll warm up soon. The Cubs can't afford for their clean up hitter to hit < .200. If he doesn't get hot soon, have Murton hit 4th. Murt’s getting better every game and went 2-3 with a walk tonight. He would have been 3-3 if P-Burgh's 3rd baseman, Randa, didn't snag a line drive in the top of the 9th. Speaking of Murton, anyone else think he looks eerily similar to McGwire at the plate? He has a similar stance and he's starting look like he can hit like big Mac too.

Barrett got bumped up to 5th in the order but failed to do anything notable offensively. Defensively, he attempted to throw out two stealing. He got the second one but his first throw ended up well into center (big surprise there…).

As for tonight's pitchers, both did well. I expected Duke to do well against us (2 ER in 23 IP against the Cubs) but Williams surprised me. He went a solid six and only one of the two runs he gave up were earned. The unearned run came as a result of a couple of ugly plays in the infield, one of which was a Cedeno throwing error. Cedeno has been impressive so far unless he has time to think. He's great charging a ball and quickly getting it over to first but give him some time and he struggles. Anyway, let's hope Jerome can reproduce this kind of performance because who knows when our "star pitchers" will be back (side note: Wood threw 51 pitches today but I’m sure he’s still got quite a few more simulations and minor league rehab games ahead of him).

A couple of other random things: The Cubs turned three double plays tonight, always good to see. This loss ends an eight game winning streak at PNC Park. We've got Rusch on the hill tomorrow night (for a couple of innings at least...I don't expect him to last long) but with any luck we'll be able to start our next PNC winning streak and take this series.

You the People...

2006-04-15T19:03:00.000-04:00

TheHawk made a clutch administrative decision in bringing back Cub of the Week (look right if you haven't seen it yet). So, it merits some talk in this young baseball season. The conversation has been started by some faithful commenters, so here are there thoughts, and let's continue the discussion...

lazlo said...
Who should be Cub of the week? Todd Walker sat two games this week against the Reds. Barrett had a great week last week. Murton had a great night and is starting to hit again. Cedeno is starting to cool off (that free-swinging is coming back to bite him). None of the starting pitchers have been great except Maddux. Dempster, Williamson, Eyre and Howry have been great. Who hasn't been good? Oh yeah, Ramirez. And Perez. And Pierre (but he was on base twice yesterday). Looks like it's between Murt', Walk, and Barrett for Cub of the week. Maybe somebody will break out tonight.

Jim said...
If Maddux keeps going the rest of April the way he's performed in his first two starts, you've gotta give him player of the month. At his age, he deserves it.

Eat Schmidt and Die

2006-04-14T13:19:00.000-04:00

When I was a young'un, my grandmammie told me that if I've got nothing nice to say, then don't say anything at all. Therefore, I will leave behind that seething pile of shit that was our latest encounter with the Reds, moving on to newer pastures, periodically yelling "serenity now!" to anyone within earshot.

Excuse me.

So today brings us to the road once more [for a brutal nine-game stretch in Pittsburgh, LA and St. Louis], and a three-game weekend series with the NL Central's red-headed stepchildren, the Pittsburgh Pirates.

They're nothing to scoff at, and everything to laugh at. It's where former Cubs have come to die, like the withering right field wallflower Jeromy Burnitz. I have to mention that he has begun the season hotter than a hot thing, batting .262 with 3 HRs and 9 RBI. It pains me to also mention that Jacque Jones is currently .111 [2-for-18] with 1 HR and 4 RBI, and is nursing a hamstring strain on the bench. Serenity Now #1.

We also have our rook on the mound, curveballing Sean Marshall, and he might prove to be useful against the sleepytown Pirates lineup [Team BA .255 vs. LH, 5 HR, 17 RBI]. That being said, fat masher 1B Sean Casey is batting .438 [2 HR, 5 RBI] against the southpaws, Jason Bay a respectable .294, and terrier-like Jack Wilson .375. Serenity now #2.

Not only that, but Victor Santos is hurling for the Pirates. Sure, he's still a little fresh-faced to the show, but he likey Chicago long time. With only a pathetic 18-34 record [4.98 ERA] in 67 major-league starts over 6 seasons [to be fair, he's played for Detroit, Colorado, Texas, Milwaukee and now Pittsburgh], he is a career-best 3-3 against the Cubs, holding down a studly 2.74 ERA, 1.20 WHIP, and .208 BAA in 11 games [7 starts]. Serenity now #3.

All these things probably doom us to some sort of squeaky 7-6 defeat or something, but I'm past the point of predicting, so I'll hope for a good result despite a wealth of evidence that might hint towards the contrary.

Today's Pitchers
CHC - Sean "Mini Unit" Marshall [0-0, 8.31 ERA]
PIT - Victor "Blood, Sweat and" Santos [1-1, 4.66 ERA]

So let's open the floors for a wealth of possible discussion. Topics might include:

- Is JT full of shit when it comes to this stuff?
- Predictions/thoughts on this road trip?
- Who will be next to get injured?
- Glendon Rusch: thumbs up, or thumbs down?

Let's go Cubbies. First pitch scheduled for 7.05pm.

Cubs "News"

2006-04-14T10:26:00.000-04:00

Wrap up of yesterday's mess: Is it really necessary to say "Stomped"?
Anoter reason MSNBC sucks: Surprising Start??
Pierre haters, here's your story: Dusty's still worry free
Mmmm...Pie: Some Q&A with Paul Sullivan

A Link in Time...

2006-04-13T13:19:00.000-04:00

Hello, all, I came across a pretty funny article and had to post it... If I think of something that is actually interesting to say on my own, I guess I'll post it here later... (Jeez, you guys are so freaking demanding!)

So here's the story:

Dusty Baker Not Worried About Cubs' Hot Start

EDIT:

So the line-up is in. Hairston Jr is starting for the second day in a row. This is going to start to really tick me off if he and Walker are basically splitting starts on the basis of the throwing hand of the pitcher. Hairston did fine yesterday and I'm no complaining, heck, I have nothing against the guy. But Walker deserves that starting position, just freaking once. He's deserved it ever since we traded Grudzielanek. Of course then he got injured. But he is healthy now, and playing well, so it is absolutely ludicrous to deny him half of the starts on the basis of which arm the pitcher uses to throw the ball. I know we can't complain if both guys continue to do well, so I suppose I'll reserve further criticism for when/if Hairston Jr's production falls off.

Pagan is again in RF, which is cool. Murton is batting fourth today, in front of Pagan, because Barrett is being rested and Blanco is catching. We'll see how this works out...

Attack of the Colour Red

2006-04-13T09:30:00.000-04:00

That is not a bat in his hand, of that I am certain.

Talk amongst yerselves as the fucken Reds stick around for some more gratuitous home run action. Discuss what you want, and let's watch GameCast until we puke from the sheer disorganized mess of graphics on our computer screens. I will be listening to Santo & Hughes, baseball's equivalent of the Golden Girls, so let's hope their infinite wisdom is not sleep-inducing as it often is.

Possible topics:
- Jacque Jones out again.
- Aramis possibly sidelined with a "strained muscle in his buttocks" [cubs.com]. The jokes are obvious.
- Dempster chasing the team record of 22 consecutive saves in Cubbie blue [set by Joe "Sea Dog" Borowski in 2004]. He needs one to tie, and has thrown 26 1/3 consecutive scoreless innings.
- Zambrano's woes against the lefty. This season, RHBs are a combined .095 off El Toro, while LHBs are .429 so far this season. Ouch. Need I mention that the Reds are stacked with switch-hitters and leftys? Fuck.
- Is Michael Barrett one of the best catchers in the game? Peter Gammons sure thinks so, and Barrett's among the league leaders with 13 RBI already this season.
- Did anyone else catch some ESPN baseball discussions yesterday? The question was posed: "Is the NL Central the best division in baseball?", I guess because we have 4 teams with winning records [last I checked]. I laughed so hard that I fell off my stool and fractured my clavicle.

Today's Pitchers:
CIN - Eric "The Home Run is my Preferred Mode of Death" Milton [1-0, 2.57 ERA]
CHC - Carlos "The Fat Bull" Zambrano [0-0, 4.22 ERA]

Let's see what tidings today will bring.

Thoughts on Today's Line-up

2006-04-12T11:49:00.000-04:00

The Cubs take the field today after a couple injuries jumped up and bit their backsides during yesterday's game. Jacques I've-Been-Jonesing-For-Hits-So-Bad-I-Strained-My-Hammy left the game with a broken nose. Just kidding, he strained his hammy and probably won't start today. I would imagine Mabry will start in his place, although it might be nice to see Pagan (so many jokes about his name could be made, yet I'll refrain and allow JT to have his best shot) get the start.

Aramis Ramirez also left the game yesterday. If he doesn't start today, no one will probably notice. No, just kidding, if he doesn't start today, I don't know who will start in his place, but I would guess perhaps Freddie Bynum or Neifi Perez. Alarmingly, Ramirez is the only officially listed third baseman on the roster. My money is on Mabry starting here too. I heard he was good like that.*

I did read that Hairston Jr will be starting today. This one I'm not so sure as to the reason. Dusty Apparently-Baked-All-The-Time took Walker out of the game early yesterday too. To my knowledge he isn't injured and wasn't tired. Are you people gonna try and tell me that yesterday was a situation where you'd want to have a "more defensive second baseman" in the game? I sure hope not, but I have to admit, I was pretty confused when that happened yesterday. Let's hope he's not hurt, although it's probably more likely that Dusty blamed all of the Red's homeruns on Hot Rod Todd's poor defense.

Anyway, the point being that Hairston shouldn't start at 2b in my opinion. In my opinion you leave Walker at 2b. You put Pagan or Hairston Jr (if you fricking MUST play him) in RF, and you play Mabry at 3b. Regardless, let's sit back and see what happens... I'm hoping we get those pesky Reds back today!!! (and get Maddux number 320, anyone?)

* "[Mabry] is a solid defensive outfielder, a first baseman with good hands and a surprisingly adequate third baseman." - excerpt from ESPN.com scouting report

It's never too late for a Valentine

2006-04-11T23:35:00.001-04:00

[Arroyo has hit both of his career home runs off Cubs starter Glendon Rusch. In the second game of the season in Cincinnati, Arroyo homered off the left-hander. It was his first major-league hit since 2001, when he played for the Pirates.]

Close your eyes, give me your hand, Glendon
Do you feel my heart beating
Do you understand
Do you feel the same
Am I only dreaming
Is your fastball an eternal flame?

I believe it's meant to be, Glendon
I watch you when you are pitching
You belong with me
Do you feel the same
Am I only dreaming
Or is your fastball an eternal flame?

Say my name
my home runs shine through the rain
An offense so lonely
And then you come and ease the pain
I don't want to lose this feeling

Close your eyes, give me your hand, Glendon
Do you feel my heart beating
Do you understand
Do you feel the same
Am I only dreaming
But is your fastball an eternal flame?

Ladies and Gentlemen, meet our Achilles heel

2006-04-11T19:28:00.000-04:00

Look at the Cincinnati Reds. They're a power-hitting team, with a good chunk of speed mixed in at the top of the order, a barely-passable starting rotation with one major personality, and an awful relieving corps.

With exception to the bullpen, do they sound familiar to anyone?

The Reds are shaping up to be that team for us again this season. Having put up superb numbers against the Cardinals last year [10-6] and so far this year, Cincinnati might be that place where postseason hopes go to die.

With all due respect to the Reds, we should finish above them this season, hopefully with a wide enough gap to consider us in the hunt for the playoffs. However, every team has their specter, their ghost in the closet, their unmentionable, unshakeable white elephant in the room that they cannot shake.

Last year, the Cubs put up a 6-9 mark against the Reds, and this season we're 1-2.

Today was ugly. Apparently MLB.com decided to automatically renew [aka BILL ME IN SECRET] my membership to their audio game package, although they neglected to send me an email that would not only tell me, but would give me cause to use their service again. They would prefer to take my money without me knowing, but they fucked that one up didn't they?

So, I decided to pop a painkiller or two and let the gentle spring sounds of Hughes and Santo lull me into a pleasant slumber. It would have been perfect, except for their periodic screaming at constant home runs by the Reds' lineup. Bronson Arroyo had never homered until meeting the Cubs last week, and he decided to repeat the gesture this afternoon, along with two blasts from Adam Dunn, a Griffey Jr. moonshot, one for Austin "Jim Hendry dreams about acquiring me" Kearns, not to mention an Edwin Encarnacion [watch this fucker carefully] grand slam.

Glendon "Cuddle Bear" Rusch let the Reds touch him up in consecutive starts, proving there is romance in even the most masculine of sports. Meanwhile, Arroyo sauntered through a placid lineup, with a delightful line [7 IP, 6 H, 0 ER, 4 K], and even another Michael Barrett home run couldn't save us.

Barrett is on fire so far this year [.391, 3 HR, 10 RBI], but Ramirez is batting like he's stuck in quicksand [.174], and guys like Will Ohman keep screwing the pooch so much that I'm considering pressing charges [0 IP, 4 H, 5 ER, BB, 5 batters faced].

Pick up yer shit for tomorrow and let's hope for a win. If we keep playing like this, I shudder to think what I might do.

This Week in Dusty, 4/05 - 4/11

2006-04-11T09:21:00.000-04:00

"It's like fishing -- you got to get that first one in the boat. Once you get that first one, the skunk is off the boat and everything's cool from then on. You've got to get that first one. Once he gets the first one, I know he'll be fine."
- Dusty likens Jones' hitting woes to maritime pursuits, 4/10

"You play whatever ball is necessary to win, but you have to have the personnel to play it and the bullpen to hold it at the end. You hope you can beat people 2-1 and also have the punch if you have to come back."
- Dusty makes it sound so simple, 4/09

"They're not called negotiations because people agree right off the bat. Sometimes these things take a little time."
- Dusty breaks down the art of contracts, 4/08

"When I played here, winning wasn't as important as it is now. Winning now is very important to the fans and very important to me. I'm spoiled by winning."
- Really? 4/07

"It's real nice to be home. I miss my wife helping me unpack. At least she called 'Peapod' and got me some groceries so that was good."
- Dusty's a lucky man, 4/06

"We have a bunch of guys who we might have to give the keys to the clubhouse because they beat the clubhouse guys some of the time. Hard-working guys influence other guys, too. It's a very positive effect."
- Dusty and the Cubs sitting in a tree, c-o-n-f-u-s-i-n-g, 4/06

"The guy's a stolen-base man. We had him one time on that pitch out [in the third] and didn't execute properly. We know he's going to run. We just don't know when he's going to run."
- Baker on Ryan Freel, 4/05

The Box Seats : Views from the Media

2006-04-11T09:02:00.004-04:00

Mark Prior is boring even when he's in court. Couldn't he get in trouble for something more exciting? [Chicago Tribune]
Say hello to our early season heroes. We'll need a lot more where this came from if we're to be competitive. [Chicago Sun-Times]
It's Mariotti time, that fat flip-flopping bastard. [Chicago Sun-Times]
Peter Gammons gives the Cubs some love, ESPN-style. Could this be the year? Really? [ESPN Insider, reg. req'd]*

* I'll dissect this later for you plebs who don't have Insider.

Ho-LEE Shit!!!

2006-04-10T22:50:00.000-04:00

Hey guys, just wanted to be the first to report the good news. It seems that our beloved Cubbies and the Super-Duper Derrek Lee have reached a 5 year deal. The deal includes a no-trade close and is thought to be somewhere in the realm of $65 Million ($13 Mil. a year). Here's the official story....http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2404132.

I can't even begin to describe how great this is for the organization. We've locked up what I consider to be the best player in the game (Screw Pujious and his lower batting average, no gold glove and somehow still getting the MVP while playing the same position less effectively ass) for what should be his prime years. I also think it's great that Derrek will now be the highest paid Cub, passing both Kerry-would-if Kerry-could and Ara-missing-the-ball-constantly-so-far-this-season-Ramirez. Now don't get me wrong, I love both those guys, but definately think Mr. Lee deserves top billing.

Ahh, and we're also currently tied for the lead in the old NL Central. I know it's really really really early, but it's nice none the less. Let's hope Glendon Dont-Rusch-Me-I'm-pitching can get us of to a good start tomorrow against those sluggers the REDS. I guess we know not to pitch to Arroyo tomorrow.

And now I've noticed that as I was writing this post that fag The Hawk has beat me to it. Damn, guess I wasn't the first, but I'm still real excited. Peace out Bitches.