Sunday, May 7

I Stayed Up Til 3am Watching the Cubs and All I Got Was This Lousy Loss

Holy's time. I've been holding off on posting an angry, disgruntled blog; but I just stayed up watching the game on TiVo and holy fuck am I pissed off.

I don't even know where to begin. The Cubs are absolutely pathetic right now. Who's to blame you ask?!?!?! Everyone who's name isn't Ronnie Cedeno or Sean Marshall.

Let's go through tonight's order, shall we? Good thing we filled that lead-off hole with Juan Pierre, here sure is hitting up a storm. I mean what team wouldn't want a lead off man who's batting .254 with an on base percentage of .303? You know what Juan, FUCK YOU. Start getting some goddamn hits. The really sad thing is that the bottom of the order keeps getting on base, and then Juan comes up and hits into a double play.

Now the 2 spot. Ronnie, thank you for being a shining star in the black hole that is the Cubs lineup. I think Ronnie was 3 for 5 tonight, or something close to that, with 3 stolen bases. A very solid performance with some well placed hits. Continue my friend, you are an inspiration to us all.

The 3 spot. Hot Rod Todd, who is personally my favorite Cubby, has cooled a little from the beggining of the season but is still performing well. We're going to need a little more but Todd gets off easy because next we have the cleanup spot.

Dusty, you stupid shit!!!!! Why don't you do us all a favor and swallow that fucking toothpick you're always chewing on and die. WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY...would you ever put that completely worthless, piece of shit, cocksucking, assfucking (guys' asses of course), moronic, I wish I was french but am actually from California (San Diego in fact) Jacque Jones in the cleanup spot. I don't give a shit if you're trying to put a "spark" in the lineup. It is incredibly clear that Jacque is not it. The piece of shit struck out 4 times tonight. 4 TIMES!!!!!!! Keep in mind he didn't just make an out, the fucker STRUCK OUT.........4 GODDAMN TIMES!!!!! There were people on base, mainly Cedeno, and all we needed was a deep fly ball. Hell, contact with the ball. SOMETHING. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, this is getting long, so I'm going to finish with Aramis. Nice home run tonight, but I can't help feeling that it was more luck than talent because you weren't even looking at the ball when you hit it. Other than that all you did was hit foul pop-ups all game which has become your staple this season. You better get your shit together as you're the one who's supposed to be leading this team. I mean, you've had your cleanup spot taken by Jacque Jones, you should probably just kill yourself, I actually can't believe you haven't yet. I saw an ad on this week asking for votes for our friend A-RAM and I almost shit myself. I mean, how could you vote for someone who's batting .204 and barely has more HR's that Bronson Arroyo?

Sean Marshall, you continue to amaze me. That curve ball is NASTY. Barrett, nice triple, but next time just go for the inside the park HR because you bat at the bottom of the order and either Hairston, the pitcher, or Pierre is up after you, and we all know that none of them will be getting any hits.


At 8:40 AM, Blogger JT said...

It's nice that the Cubs are ending their season early, like the beginning of May, because maybe now we'll all have much better summers spending time outside in the sun instead of huddled around computer screens and Tivos wondering if we won or not.

So considerate. We should send them a card, or maybe a cake?

No slice for Aramis though, until his fat ass bats above .260.

At 11:03 AM, Blogger Sarce said...

I agree, it is nice they aren't even given us hope this year. At least they have the decency to end it quick....mercy so to speak.

I was thinking about how much I hate Rafael Furcal the other day and then I thought about how much I wish we had gotten the bastard. I mean, had we gotten him we'd have some lead-off hits and Derek Lee. O irony is a formidable foe, and Furcal's still a fucker.

At 5:38 PM, Blogger Hyposquasher said...

Furcal is batting a solid .200 this year and I think he is having trouble playing somewhere outside of ATL. No thank you, I'll keep Hu-Juan Pierre, if you please.

He is deserving of your rant, so I won't defend him. But he is dangerous nonetheless, and if he starts getting hits again, it will boost the whole lineup. I take Pierre's .250 over Furcal's (that fucker) .200.


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